things to do within the next 11 hours:

1. two more hours of lectures

2. rehearsals with altitude for our wedding performance from 830-1030pm

3. NM3220 project introduction

4. Read and label and understand choral music for conducting tomorrow with Anglican High School

5. Practice conducting stance in front of the mirror

I need more than 24 hours to do all these effectively.

Someone help.

here's one of the reasons why i'm beginning to love the sound of Yale... :|
does Singapore even have something like this?

so..
should i study in NIE and teach music in secondary schools? (cheaper option)
go overseas study music and come back be a conductor? (super expensive, and a waste of another 3 yrs)

or what should i really do with life?

make use of my bachelor of arts and work in an advertising firm? pr firm?
sell insurance? and teach music privately?

don't i just hate it...
i'm in a phase of life where i have to make a decision.

i love teaching my choir.
but to get professionally certified overseas would cost like 300k for a total of 4 additional years of education.
and the stupid singapore system doesnt offer any diplomas for such expertise...

urghs.................................

its just a game...
but i'm actually pretty sad that one of us is going to leave and be busy with school.
its been so fun the past few weeks just laughing and talking rubbish and stuffs.

whatever it is,
i hope everything gets on smoothly for you!

so take care LFH...

i'm too tired to write cause i've been out since 11am and its 3am and i just got back.
but heres a brief summary in case i forget what to update on in the next few days.

cca fair, choir, i'm proud of you.
never been prouder.
watching you guys sing lady gaga, taylor swift and just run under the hot sun trying to pull in so many sec1s to choir.
that itself, set my mind at ease.
cause i know u guys care... and u guys actually bother about my "i want 20 sec1s in my choir next year" ambition.
fail or not, i'm proud of you all. each and everyone.

kbox with mag hsin eugene was really fun
except i thought it was ridiculous to pay 35 bucks per person for 3 hours of singing.
in fact, the price was damn over the hill.
but yup, photo whoring was fun, so was singing, and supper, and the horrible jokes we made in the car with michael when we met him for supper
:D

AuditionSea

i think i'm addicted to AUDITIONSEA.
its a fantastic game, and as much as i never believed in making online friends, i actually managed to make this bunch of really awesome friends who are really fun to talk to online.

Try it!

(And no, this is not a virus. i'm john and i'm typing this)
www.auditionsea.com
download and play 12party mode! :D

AND NO, this is not a kids game! i have met 20 plus uni students on it! :P

late night supper, poker.

detong, michael, james, marvin,

we've got to stop unhealthy suppers at 2am in the morning.

the fat is accumulating and i'm feelin awful

and because of that, i'm pacing around my room trying to burn the calories i just put on from that plate of fried beehoon.

:(

EMO.

as the days go by, i guess i'm beginning to learn little bits about myself that i never ever took great notice of ...

like how i cant stand mischievious kids in shopping centres, or mothers who turn a blind eye to such behavior

or people who talk loudly on phones, or blast mp3s from their phones

cars that are modified so much so that their engines rumble when "HELLO, u are just driving a mitsubushi or toyota, not a damn ferrari"

how i think girls in a simple tank top and shorts look the hottest than those who spend hours dressing up and drawing eyeliners all over their face

how i would choose to have a cosy home cooked dinner at home rather than a extravagant dinner in a posh restaurant.

how i'm secretly insecure and worried that the people around me dislike me, so i start picking up various signs and signals and alter my behavior according to that

my choir, school's starting, and life's picking up pace.

had my first choir session at pioneer today...
and i set myself a vision for this year:

"to make choir fun, more fun than it already is, yet provide the students with ample knowledge to advance vocally."

its hard though, really, when you have a group of students who chatter amongst themselves, and appear to not listen to you even though u're shouting ur lungs out and going crazy.
and teaching the choir is really harming my voice. i get horrid sore throats from shouting, hoping that even if not all of them listen, at least i get three or four students listening and learning from me.

gotta admit this sucks though. i just lack that authoratative charisma to make everyone listen to me when i speak. i'm not fierce enough.

and its not that i'm not trying...
but they're simply not listening.
i arrange a lady gaga song, hoping that that would liven things up and they would have fun,
but yes, granted they have fun, i still feel that most of them dont listen to me at all when i speak.
urghs.

---
school's starting tomorrow.
its a 6 module semester for me, so that means crazy schedules, waking up early, going home late, etc.
and if i'm going to work towards my target of earning and saving up sufficient money by the end of 2010, den i'm going to have to work doubly hard teaching my vocal/keyboard classes.

---
watched the sneaks of its complicated yesterday.
hilarious show i would say...
fully epitomizes the whole idea of having "Friends with benefits".
and its disturbing to know that more people are having sex at younger ages nowadays.
shldn't that be sth thats left for someone special and for marriage? :

it hasn't been easy at all.

but i'm able to now say her name without feeling much.

this chapter of my life, shld thus be closed.

2 years of pining for a girl who in the first place, i shldn't even be pining for..

thats 2 years of wasting alot of precious time feeling all emotional, and shutting my door on many other people and things.

the past, is the past.

i'm ready to step out of it. finally.

school's starting,
and in some way, i can't wait to get back to school.

i've become very homely.
and its hard for me to even believe it.

i'm contented with:
poker with the guys, hanging out and playing mahjong, playin squash with detong, sunday soccer, having to teach my wonderful choir, and being with my family.

and i love my buddy. we've known each other since secondary school, in fact, i've known loads of ppl since secondary school, but u're one of the only few who stuck with me throughout.

if u're even reading this, u know who u are, thank you for always being there.
it just takes a whole new meaning to jason mraz's song:
lucky i'm in love with my best friend.

cause being friends, i know u'll never leave me, and u know i'll never leave u.
we'll never ever be subjected to any quarrels or any heartbreaks or break ups.
and u mean the most to me.

-----
meanwhile, i still owe myself an entry on 2009 and the transition to 2010 with my new year resolutions.

i love 2009 because.
i got to travel to bkk with mich and xiaoting and i had a wonderful time
i got to conduct my choir and lead them to SYF... and i've spent so many ups and downs with this choir...
i got to attend arts camp and i got to know a few wonderful friends, josheen, jonchong, ewe..
i made new friends, fostered old friendships, learnt how to be a better person.

and i look to 2010 because.
i know i've got to stop living in my past. no more thinking of ds. and emoing and wallowing over self pity.
i've got to move on somehow and stop thinking of her, who evidently doesnt need me in her life at all.
i'm not even sure if i ever want to be in another relationship, because 2 years being single has taught me a lot and brought me several insights into what i really want.

i'm graduating from NUS, and i hope i can study music.

i'm an adult, officially, soon enough at least, and i've got to start planning my future and figuring out how i'm goin to earn my dream salary of 8000 a month.

and also figure out how to be an even better person than 2009.
no more bad habits. no more procrastinating.

i'm incoherent,
i'm not feeling very right.

and with so much going on my mind,
i'm feeling this tingling chill mixed with numbness, and emptiness.

i hate being emotional like this.
and sometimes i wish i just didnt care.

if i want something, i should fight for it shldn't i?
wheres my fighting spirit.

nothing seems right.
and you just keep floating in and out of my mind.
so i try to keep myself busy.

it used to work.
whats happening this time?

i almost forgot how it feels to be on stage,
until performing today.
feels good, feeling high right now..
did i tell you i think meryl's a damn good singer, totally captivated today.

and while singing, i thought i saw d. in the crowd.
and i blanked out and started singing weird off notes.
but i probably was just imagining things..
not like she wld say hi if she did happen to see me singing.
okay. i've got to stop this whole dreaming day dreaming thinking of ex gf shit.

thanks to those that came,
especially mum n dad, whom hardly sees me sing.
peifeng, eugene, jamie...
yup, thanks, appreciated!

i'm getting lethargic.

i guess i'm just not someone who can do the same stuffs day in day out.

jazz rehearsals' taking a toll on me,

and i've been spending hours trying to brainstorm about new ideas for my choir.

gonna start a formation of a 6-part acapella group this coming friday,

and all this i'm doing it out of goodwill, for free...

so the students better appreciate it, or at least i hope they do.

have i told you lately that i care?

i've been pretty much idling around at home, other than the occasional late night 3am poker nights with the guys...

so here's what i've been up to:

other than teaching my vocal keyboard classes, and my choir, and poker...

watched SYC choir concert at esplanade with charlotte,

squash with javin,

football manager at home,

and family time with my parents..

i don't remember loving being alone that much.

but thats whats happening to me.

maybe its age catching up on me.

----

met hsin that day by coincidence (or maybe not)

stupidly enough, i thought u might be there, so i walked back frm the train station all the way back to esplanade (where i came from)

and did i mention how one sms changed my entire day...

nv expected to hear from you, even though your message probably didn't mean that much to u,

but hearing from you in that message, seeing ur name in my inbox...

that was probably more than enough.

----

meanwhile:

things i havent accomplished yet for the holidays:

1. rearrange my room furniture

2. repaint my room

3. learn my guitar

4. improve on my beatboxing

5. write more songs.

6. keep fit.

---

which reminds me:

i'm performing at esplanade this weekend at the outdoor theatre.

do come watch! support nus jazz band :D

late night studying.

studying with josheen wee gave me a little impetus to start on my long overdue SC2205, SE2221 and NM3210 revision...
been quite some time since i last caught up with her anywayy...
glad i did, coz i managed to complete two SC2205 readings (out of which i never could manage to read when i'm studying at home)
and on top of that, it was good company.

we had a little conversation on the end of the world, and once again, i realised how many things i want to do but i haven't done yet..
and i was telling her how i totally can picture who i want to call and who's the last person i want to hear other than my family members before i die.
i'm not surprised if the world ends in 2012 really.
since the bible, and lots of major catastrohphies have been correctly predicted.

meanwhile, its going to be the end of the world if i don't buck up for the remaining 3 modules.
3 more papers, 2 more days,
and i cant wait for this burden of exams to be lifted from my wandering heart.

and i heard this song by bsb while driving on my way back home.
it goes sth like "i wanna stay single, i don't need a girl who finds me when he's gone"
how apt, which guy or girl is willing to be a substitute?
although ironically, i wldn't mind if its you, only that u dont see me as a substitute.
and then the vicious cycle goes on, coz if which girl is willing to be a substitute, then does it mean i'm destined to be a roving bachelor?

okay. before more philosophical thoughts start filling in my 4am wandering mind,
i should turn in now.

To do list after exams: (And i HAVE TO DO IT)
1. Master the guitar
2. Master beatboxing
3. Jog and start working out
4. Find out more about music universities overseas.
5. Find out more about speech level singing qualifications (so that i can level up when it comes to teaching)

I think i already know what i'm goin to do in future,
but i'm still going to go ahead for a 6 month internship to see if communications new media is for me, or should i just focus fully on music.

C'MON JOHN. u can do it.
GUITAR, BEATBOX, IMPROVED SINGING HERE I COME!~ :)