Bits & Pieces of Life

2011-04-23T19:53:00.001-07:00

I'm back, or at least, i think i will be.

Who's even still reading this?

the ups and downs of august.

2010-08-21T10:40:00.000-07:00

have been thinking a lot recently,
firstly, about my ambition for my choir for winning a medal for the upcoming SYF.
secondly, about my career..

i'm so envious of choir conductors who have a wide array of talent right in front of them,
a huge choir of 80 members,
being able to choose who goes for SYF and who doesn't...
but i guess i've got to put my faith into each and everyone i have in my own choir and hope that they work 300% harder in order to achieve a medal.
but thereare so much politics and problems in the choir now that i feel pretty drained from music.

on to happier stuffs....
watched step up 3 with justine yesterday at cine!
gotta admit i was pretty disappointed at the show.
maybe popping isn't my thing.
i'm alot more wowed when the whole crew does dance moves together.

but i guess its just awesome to spend time together with friends whom u truly genuinely enjoy their company.

we made a spontaneous trip down to cck to visit my dogs at midnight!
and i realised how much i miss rocher!
watching him jump eagerly at me when i visit him totally warms my heart.
and i think the photo above is awesome. i haven't got a shot of rocher and me looking into the camera together despite trying to take one the past few years.

=)

meanwhile, i'm really beginning to think that feeling the unexpected at the most unexpected times is the most genuine feeling ever.

whatever happens, i'm happy =)

2010-08-19T09:28:00.000-07:00

i came up with this quote myself recently.

you know... people always ask what love is like.
how do you know you love someone... yada yada.

and the regular answer i will usually give would be the whole cliche
"oh, you think of her before u go to sleep, and when you wake up in the morning"
"you try sharing all your happy moments with her"
"you feel happy when you hear from her online or on the phone"

as much as everything on top is true,
i think the most amazing thing and the most special feeling you can get out of love,
is when you love in the most unexpected manner.

when u dont anticipate you will ever fall in love with someone, and suddenly..
it just happens, with no reason, with no warning.

that unexpected feeling.
thats love.

2010-07-29T07:11:00.000-07:00

i'm awfully disappointed.
the most trusted student i had in my choir actually turned around and played me out.
imagine putting all your faith and appointing her vice president, and she turns out to nip you in the butt.
an awful disappointment, a stab in the heart.
sometimes i really wonder how to manage kids like that.

i came up with the motto one for all all for one for the choir.
and now everything is in shambles.

i needed my students to stand up for themselves,
to love music,
to love singing,
and to be united.

i thought i succeeded in doing so.
only for today to ruin everything.

so they say adults are complicated with politics and stuffs at workplace/school?
i say children nowadays are way more complicated.

i've never felt more disappointed.
maybe i'm just not cut out to be a conductor then.

i'm in shambles.

2010-07-03T22:21:00.000-07:00

the past 2 weeks have been fantastic really,
apart from getting to know new friends from crashing arts camp,
i also got to spend alot of quality time with friends =)
had a fantastic camp of our own in my place with josheen and van,

a pity sports camp didnt work out for me. i was so looking forward to all the fun sports...
but with all the rudeness and politics going on that pretty much irritated me..
i'm not the kind to take such things. i dont see why i have to subject myself to such bullshit..
which is probably why i dont think i can ever work under somebody. i need to be my own boss and be in control of my own stuffs.

i woke up today (sunday) feeling very empty.
technically i woke up at 9am, but i had dreams that i wanted to continue, so i continued sleeping, and my dreams continued, and i refused to wake up from that dream all the way till 1pm...

then comes the post -dream- hangover effect.
i've been loving the dream so much , that waking up and returning back to the real world sucks.
i'm not feeling empty, and pretty much zombie-ish,
and it doesnt help that i'm home alone, and my parents r out shopping for groceries (which i would have gone for if i woke up earlier from my dream)

i need to start looking forward to something.
i used to look forward to messaging you in the morning,
meeting you,
talking to you on the phone,

and now, i feel as though i'm nothing without you.

i read something in this book i bought that day.

"There are many incredible women in this world. If you're hung up on one particular girl you just cant get out of your mind - and she hasn't given you any sense that she shares the feelings - then recognize thats not how you're feeling, thats obssession. The best thing to do for yourself is to go out and interact with as many women as possible, until you realize that there are plenty of people out there for you - some of whom are capable of recognizing your worth and reciprocating your feelings"

yeah right.
maybe its true.
but contrary to whats being said above, i'm kind of relieved that for once in my life,
i actually know what i'm feeling, who i really love, and who i really want to spend the rest of my life with.
i've been getting into relationships, after relationships, after relationships, without ever sitting down to reflect whats wrong with me, why i'm always in this ongoing cycle.

is it going to help interacting with as many women as possible?
even if there are so many people capable of recognizing my worth and reciprocating my feelings, what if there's only one person i want to share my worth and feelings with?

okay. i admit.
because of the dream i had yesterday/today,
i'm in a worse state than before.

i've spent close to 3 yrs trying to forget you/her.
only for a dream like this to send me crumbling down,
to make me feel even deeper than i ever did before.

i miss a relationship in the past.
is anyone in the same boat as me?

its so easy for friends to go "john, move on.. she's not worth it" or "c'mon there are so many other fishes in the sea, trees in the forest".
and what about "aiyar, you've been in so many r'ships, just go find someone else, not like its going to be difficult for you"
or "john, its two years... it has been two years... time to move on..... dont be silly"

but
its
not
that
easy
for
me

period.

2010-06-17T09:23:00.000-07:00

been a long time since i did a video, so while rehearsing for our upcoming show with Jonathan, we came up with this remix.

just being random, but yes, i miss zouk. HAHA

singapore flooding

2010-06-16T05:46:00.000-07:00

check out this lighthearted picture that vanessa showed me of the flooding that happened in orchard today!

random questions...

2010-06-16T05:32:00.001-07:00

just a random question i've been discussing with my friends lately...

can two people of the opposite sex ever just be good buddies or damn good soulmates all the way till they get married and have kids, etc.?

slow-moving tuesday.

2010-06-15T07:19:00.000-07:00

if not for squash, i wld probably be balloon-ed right now, considering how much supper i eat everyday.
slacked the entire day today before meeting eileen for a quick catch up,
then javin and i decided at 815pm then we should play squash at 9pm, so we both had an hour's workout.

squash is extremely fun. i just need to start figuring out how to beat javin and his constant running.

speaking of which, its finally wednesday tomorrow..
zouk anybody? :))

2010-06-14T13:01:00.001-07:00

the world cup is such an addiction.
i've been starting my day at 1pm, counting down to 730pm, watching till 4am, and then sleeping again.
and because of that, i've been indulging in suppers.
supper with detong n ryan, nuggets at home, instant noodles, chips, everything i can find at home (if i'm alone), and oily junk supper food outside (if my friends are over)
this is bad... imagine the amount of weight i'm going to put on for the next month.
this calls for more squash sessions with detong and javin,

thank gdness i'm not working.
so i get to sleep in, wake up and teach, sing for a while, and then sleep or wait for the world cup again.

did i mention i think i'm addicted to clubbing?
i've been going zouk for 2 consecutive wednesdays, and i'm planning to go again this wednesday.
and the most amazing thing is, i dont even mind going alone.
it feels good to unwind, drink and just dance to all the top 40 hits in Phuture.

there's this song constantly in my head, and it goes.....
"i'm only gonna break break your break break your heart"
damn catchy!

consolidated updates!

2010-06-14T03:50:00.000-07:00

Life has been awesome, or maybe not, but first things first, I'VE GRADUATED!

I haven't updated for ages, but all these while i have been kept busy with lots of things. (or then again, maybe not cause i've been slacking around)

My trip to HK with Szehwei Wanying Wailay Cindy, Altitude's comeback performance in Detong's sister's wedding, Sports Camp outings, going out with Josheen Wee, Van, Sarah, Qing, JonChong, Darren, Huilin. Bintan work trip with Concept Alliance Events Company, etc. Mahjong sessions with hsin, mag, detong. Clubbing, Soccer, Squash, etc.

I'm glad i've been kept busy, especially since most people around me have been nagging at me to find a job.
But i'm going to stick around a while longer. Just stay unemployed, try to pursue my music, start teaching more, etc.

Meanwhile, my music lessons blog is up again. Do support and help me tell the people around about it:
its www.jkmusiclessons.blogspot.com

AND ON TOP OF THAT, the world cup is on, so i'm going to sleep at 4am everyday and wake up at noon.

Meanwhile, here are some photos of what has been happening for the past 2 months.
a BIG THANK YOU to all my friends who made life so bearable for me the past few weeks :)

2010-06-14T03:44:00.000-07:00

we'll draw rings on each other's fingers.
and at that moment, the world revolves around just me and you.

2010-03-30T11:00:00.000-07:00

i'm graduating in a month.
i cant believe it.

byebye university.

2010-03-10T00:15:00.001-08:00

i don't know how much random tears i've shed on random days and random times like now.
for somebody that isn't even part of my life..

2010-02-08T22:13:00.001-08:00

things to do within the next 11 hours:

1. two more hours of lectures

2. rehearsals with altitude for our wedding performance from 830-1030pm

3. NM3220 project introduction

4. Read and label and understand choral music for conducting tomorrow with Anglican High School

5. Practice conducting stance in front of the mirror

I need more than 24 hours to do all these effectively.

Someone help.

2010-01-27T07:33:00.000-08:00

so..
should i study in NIE and teach music in secondary schools? (cheaper option)
go overseas study music and come back be a conductor? (super expensive, and a waste of another 3 yrs)

or what should i really do with life?

make use of my bachelor of arts and work in an advertising firm? pr firm?
sell insurance? and teach music privately?

don't i just hate it...
i'm in a phase of life where i have to make a decision.

i love teaching my choir.
but to get professionally certified overseas would cost like 300k for a total of 4 additional years of education.
and the stupid singapore system doesnt offer any diplomas for such expertise...

urghs.................................

2010-01-26T08:44:00.000-08:00

its just a game...
but i'm actually pretty sad that one of us is going to leave and be busy with school.
its been so fun the past few weeks just laughing and talking rubbish and stuffs.

whatever it is,
i hope everything gets on smoothly for you!

so take care LFH...

2010-01-22T11:02:00.000-08:00

i'm too tired to write cause i've been out since 11am and its 3am and i just got back.
but heres a brief summary in case i forget what to update on in the next few days.

cca fair, choir, i'm proud of you.
never been prouder.
watching you guys sing lady gaga, taylor swift and just run under the hot sun trying to pull in so many sec1s to choir.
that itself, set my mind at ease.
cause i know u guys care... and u guys actually bother about my "i want 20 sec1s in my choir next year" ambition.
fail or not, i'm proud of you all. each and everyone.

kbox with mag hsin eugene was really fun
except i thought it was ridiculous to pay 35 bucks per person for 3 hours of singing.
in fact, the price was damn over the hill.
but yup, photo whoring was fun, so was singing, and supper, and the horrible jokes we made in the car with michael when we met him for supper
:D

AuditionSea

2010-01-21T09:28:00.000-08:00

i think i'm addicted to AUDITIONSEA.
its a fantastic game, and as much as i never believed in making online friends, i actually managed to make this bunch of really awesome friends who are really fun to talk to online.

Try it!

(And no, this is not a virus. i'm john and i'm typing this)
www.auditionsea.com
download and play 12party mode! :D

AND NO, this is not a kids game! i have met 20 plus uni students on it! :P

late night supper, poker.

2010-01-14T10:40:00.000-08:00

detong, michael, james, marvin,

we've got to stop unhealthy suppers at 2am in the morning.

the fat is accumulating and i'm feelin awful

and because of that, i'm pacing around my room trying to burn the calories i just put on from that plate of fried beehoon.

EMO.

2010-01-13T07:57:00.001-08:00

as the days go by, i guess i'm beginning to learn little bits about myself that i never ever took great notice of ...

like how i cant stand mischievious kids in shopping centres, or mothers who turn a blind eye to such behavior

or people who talk loudly on phones, or blast mp3s from their phones

cars that are modified so much so that their engines rumble when "HELLO, u are just driving a mitsubushi or toyota, not a damn ferrari"

how i think girls in a simple tank top and shorts look the hottest than those who spend hours dressing up and drawing eyeliners all over their face

how i would choose to have a cosy home cooked dinner at home rather than a extravagant dinner in a posh restaurant.

how i'm secretly insecure and worried that the people around me dislike me, so i start picking up various signs and signals and alter my behavior according to that

my choir, school's starting, and life's picking up pace.

2010-01-11T06:57:00.001-08:00

had my first choir session at pioneer today...
and i set myself a vision for this year:

"to make choir fun, more fun than it already is, yet provide the students with ample knowledge to advance vocally."

its hard though, really, when you have a group of students who chatter amongst themselves, and appear to not listen to you even though u're shouting ur lungs out and going crazy.
and teaching the choir is really harming my voice. i get horrid sore throats from shouting, hoping that even if not all of them listen, at least i get three or four students listening and learning from me.

gotta admit this sucks though. i just lack that authoratative charisma to make everyone listen to me when i speak. i'm not fierce enough.

and its not that i'm not trying...
but they're simply not listening.
i arrange a lady gaga song, hoping that that would liven things up and they would have fun,
but yes, granted they have fun, i still feel that most of them dont listen to me at all when i speak.
urghs.

---
school's starting tomorrow.
its a 6 module semester for me, so that means crazy schedules, waking up early, going home late, etc.
and if i'm going to work towards my target of earning and saving up sufficient money by the end of 2010, den i'm going to have to work doubly hard teaching my vocal/keyboard classes.

---
watched the sneaks of its complicated yesterday.
hilarious show i would say...
fully epitomizes the whole idea of having "Friends with benefits".
and its disturbing to know that more people are having sex at younger ages nowadays.
shldn't that be sth thats left for someone special and for marriage? :

2010-01-09T11:39:00.000-08:00

it hasn't been easy at all.

but i'm able to now say her name without feeling much.

this chapter of my life, shld thus be closed.

2 years of pining for a girl who in the first place, i shldn't even be pining for..

thats 2 years of wasting alot of precious time feeling all emotional, and shutting my door on many other people and things.

the past, is the past.

i'm ready to step out of it. finally.

2010-01-06T10:30:00.001-08:00

school's starting,
and in some way, i can't wait to get back to school.

i've become very homely.
and its hard for me to even believe it.

i'm contented with:
poker with the guys, hanging out and playing mahjong, playin squash with detong, sunday soccer, having to teach my wonderful choir, and being with my family.

and i love my buddy. we've known each other since secondary school, in fact, i've known loads of ppl since secondary school, but u're one of the only few who stuck with me throughout.

if u're even reading this, u know who u are, thank you for always being there.
it just takes a whole new meaning to jason mraz's song:
lucky i'm in love with my best friend.

cause being friends, i know u'll never leave me, and u know i'll never leave u.
we'll never ever be subjected to any quarrels or any heartbreaks or break ups.
and u mean the most to me.

-----
meanwhile, i still owe myself an entry on 2009 and the transition to 2010 with my new year resolutions.

i love 2009 because.
i got to travel to bkk with mich and xiaoting and i had a wonderful time
i got to conduct my choir and lead them to SYF... and i've spent so many ups and downs with this choir...
i got to attend arts camp and i got to know a few wonderful friends, josheen, jonchong, ewe..
i made new friends, fostered old friendships, learnt how to be a better person.

and i look to 2010 because.
i know i've got to stop living in my past. no more thinking of ds. and emoing and wallowing over self pity.
i've got to move on somehow and stop thinking of her, who evidently doesnt need me in her life at all.
i'm not even sure if i ever want to be in another relationship, because 2 years being single has taught me a lot and brought me several insights into what i really want.

i'm graduating from NUS, and i hope i can study music.

i'm an adult, officially, soon enough at least, and i've got to start planning my future and figuring out how i'm goin to earn my dream salary of 8000 a month.

and also figure out how to be an even better person than 2009.
no more bad habits. no more procrastinating.

2010-01-02T06:46:00.000-08:00

i'm incoherent,
i'm not feeling very right.

and with so much going on my mind,
i'm feeling this tingling chill mixed with numbness, and emptiness.

i hate being emotional like this.
and sometimes i wish i just didnt care.

2009-12-28T18:00:00.003-08:00

if i want something, i should fight for it shldn't i?
wheres my fighting spirit.

2009-12-20T22:46:00.000-08:00

nothing seems right.
and you just keep floating in and out of my mind.
so i try to keep myself busy.

it used to work.
whats happening this time?

2009-12-19T09:31:00.001-08:00

i almost forgot how it feels to be on stage,
until performing today.
feels good, feeling high right now..
did i tell you i think meryl's a damn good singer, totally captivated today.

and while singing, i thought i saw d. in the crowd.
and i blanked out and started singing weird off notes.
but i probably was just imagining things..
not like she wld say hi if she did happen to see me singing.
okay. i've got to stop this whole dreaming day dreaming thinking of ex gf shit.

thanks to those that came,
especially mum n dad, whom hardly sees me sing.
peifeng, eugene, jamie...
yup, thanks, appreciated!

2009-12-16T11:19:00.000-08:00

i'm getting lethargic.

i guess i'm just not someone who can do the same stuffs day in day out.

jazz rehearsals' taking a toll on me,

and i've been spending hours trying to brainstorm about new ideas for my choir.

gonna start a formation of a 6-part acapella group this coming friday,

and all this i'm doing it out of goodwill, for free...

so the students better appreciate it, or at least i hope they do.

have i told you lately that i care?

2009-12-15T08:49:00.001-08:00

i've been pretty much idling around at home, other than the occasional late night 3am poker nights with the guys...

so here's what i've been up to:

other than teaching my vocal keyboard classes, and my choir, and poker...

watched SYC choir concert at esplanade with charlotte,

squash with javin,

football manager at home,

and family time with my parents..

i don't remember loving being alone that much.

but thats whats happening to me.

maybe its age catching up on me.

----

met hsin that day by coincidence (or maybe not)

stupidly enough, i thought u might be there, so i walked back frm the train station all the way back to esplanade (where i came from)

and did i mention how one sms changed my entire day...

nv expected to hear from you, even though your message probably didn't mean that much to u,

but hearing from you in that message, seeing ur name in my inbox...

that was probably more than enough.

----

meanwhile:

things i havent accomplished yet for the holidays:

1. rearrange my room furniture

2. repaint my room

3. learn my guitar

4. improve on my beatboxing

5. write more songs.

6. keep fit.

---

which reminds me:

i'm performing at esplanade this weekend at the outdoor theatre.

do come watch! support nus jazz band :D

late night studying.

2009-11-30T11:54:00.000-08:00

studying with josheen wee gave me a little impetus to start on my long overdue SC2205, SE2221 and NM3210 revision...
been quite some time since i last caught up with her anywayy...
glad i did, coz i managed to complete two SC2205 readings (out of which i never could manage to read when i'm studying at home)
and on top of that, it was good company.

we had a little conversation on the end of the world, and once again, i realised how many things i want to do but i haven't done yet..
and i was telling her how i totally can picture who i want to call and who's the last person i want to hear other than my family members before i die.
i'm not surprised if the world ends in 2012 really.
since the bible, and lots of major catastrohphies have been correctly predicted.

meanwhile, its going to be the end of the world if i don't buck up for the remaining 3 modules.
3 more papers, 2 more days,
and i cant wait for this burden of exams to be lifted from my wandering heart.

and i heard this song by bsb while driving on my way back home.
it goes sth like "i wanna stay single, i don't need a girl who finds me when he's gone"
how apt, which guy or girl is willing to be a substitute?
although ironically, i wldn't mind if its you, only that u dont see me as a substitute.
and then the vicious cycle goes on, coz if which girl is willing to be a substitute, then does it mean i'm destined to be a roving bachelor?

okay. before more philosophical thoughts start filling in my 4am wandering mind,
i should turn in now.

2009-11-25T20:10:00.000-08:00

To do list after exams: (And i HAVE TO DO IT)
1. Master the guitar
2. Master beatboxing
3. Jog and start working out
4. Find out more about music universities overseas.
5. Find out more about speech level singing qualifications (so that i can level up when it comes to teaching)

I think i already know what i'm goin to do in future,
but i'm still going to go ahead for a 6 month internship to see if communications new media is for me, or should i just focus fully on music.

C'MON JOHN. u can do it.
GUITAR, BEATBOX, IMPROVED SINGING HERE I COME!~ :)

2009-11-22T18:20:00.003-08:00

i salute these twins, really.
they cant sing, but they made me laugh like crazy.
watch the conversation part especially! hahahaa...

2009-11-22T17:53:00.000-08:00

i woke up early today
so i decided to surf around on youtube, and i cant help but realize.

the standard of american idol is so high, compared to singapore idol.
they have the budget to hire live musicians, with string ensembles, vocal harmonies, dancers, etc.
so why cant singapore do something like that?

i've always thought stage choreography is extremely important.
but thats something thats obviously lacking in singapore.

while i'm still on music,
i've got to talk about mariah carey,
i watched her previous videos when she was way younger, and her songs were all fantastic, her voice was clean, and clear...
now her voice is nasal, hoarse, and a little congested... (though she still sounds great)
but yes, the importance of proper vocal techniques! (otherwise u probably wont be singing as nice as before ten years from now)

and still on music,
why are artistes in the past all vocally strong.
celine dion, mariah carey...
whereas now its full of people who use technology to tweak the pitch of their voices...
its sad how the music industry is going.

but as i'm saying this,
i'm still grooving to justin timberlake and craig david, so ya.... :))

seeking solace.

2009-11-21T04:39:00.000-08:00

the weather's been great recently.
i've taken a liking to walking around my estate at night.
the temperature, the breeze is perfect for me in the search for peace and tranquility in my dull, boring life.

and a glass of baileys or vodka amidst the breeze is one of the greatest pleasure in life that i can find of late.

a pity i don't have a roof garden.
or a convertible.

but i guess, i'm contented.

2009-11-15T01:40:00.001-08:00

went sukiya again with my parents just now, but we parked at suntec.
and suddenly the fountain brought back loads of memories.

my first time together with her was in secondary school.
i was like totally infactuated and gaga at that time, and while we were out with lots of RV people, i dedicated a msg for her on the fountain.
and told her i'll love her forever.

yea rite. forever.
we broke up soon enough.

the fountain holds lots of memories for me not only because of this.
but because i walked around it making wishes like so many times.
you know, walking around the fountain three times, stretching your hand out, and making a wish?

yes, i know.
you must be thinking to yourself "HUH HOW STUPID IS THAT. JOHN KHOO DOES THAT?"

but yes, i remember going there at least three times when i was with her.
twice i went alone.
once i went there and wished for her results in JC.... coz we were quarreling a lot back then and it was affecting her results...
so i went there and wished that she'll get through her exams with good results.

second time i went there and wished that we'll totally live happily ever after and that she'll want to marry me once i get out of NS and start schooling and earning enough money.

i cant believe i was that naive.

i was half tempted to walk around it just now again,
and wish that you'll live happily ever after with your boyfriend now.
but thats so fake isn't it?

when what my heart's really crying out, is that you'll love me again, we'll get married, i won't take you for granted, and we'll have kids and have a happy family together.

i'm honestly perturbed. read please.

2009-11-10T03:38:00.001-08:00

several things happened that prompted me to pen down my thoughts today.

to start of,
i have a confession to make.
i'm probably one of the most insecure guys you can ever meet in your entire life.
i claim i dont care about what others think about me, but no, i care actually.
i care that i'm fat. that my face's too big.
i care that my complexion sucks, and that my hair's bad
i care if my hair colour's dull or if my clothes are a little too big or tight.
i care that i'm not well built, that i don't frequent the gym

rants aside.

--------
a few months back, someone labelled me a flirt, and spreaded that across the entire arts camp.
he dissected a lot of my actions and words, and slashed each word and action with a sharp blade, questioning not only my intentions, but my character as human being.

1. i went to the east to pick up two girls to camp, because it was their last day, and they hardly bonded with the OG. i didn't want them to start school with no friends to hang out with. so yes, i offered to pick them up and bring them back to school.

funny how the story got twisted up in the end. but yes, i forgave that person because i took it as a misunderstanding... or at least thats what i hope to believe.. its all a misunderstanding.

forgiving is one thing, but it still disturbs me alot.
i've been thinking alot about my actions nowadays...
so much so that i'm beginning to feel uncomfortable when i hang out with just girls.
and at one point of time, i thought... "HEY. maybe those rumours may be right. JOHN, U ARE FREAKIN SWEET TALKER JERK"
my ex gf used to tell me that i'm over friendly to girls.
during my singing performance days, i can never say no if a girl walked up to me and asked me for my msn.
i'm always happy and cheerful around girls, and i tend to sugar coat my words.

so yes, i told myself to be more conscious in everything i do.
i think before i speak, i think before i act.
---------

i admit i'm not good with guys.
i don't know what guys go through their head seriously.
apart from my close guy friends from secondary school, and a few i met in university, i seriously think that the rest are hard to understand, complicated, and really turn offish.

and you know, its disturbing u know.
i watched some movie recently about a groom who cldn't find his best man because he didn't have any guy friends.
and i was so worried i'll end up like him.

but no, its not like i'm not trying.
i really do treat every body the same. guy girl, students, old, young, whatever.
---------------------

rants aside. whatever i said on top has no link to whatever i'm goin to say below now.

----------------------
today i realised something..
one of the guys, lets name him S (because i'm beginning to think he's an ass) who spreaded really hurtful insulting rumours about me a few mths back goes round telling other people that other guys are flirts as well. A is a flirt, and so is B, and C.

let us rewind.
few months back, you called me a flirt. i took your opinion constructively even though you hardly knew me.
then you called my friend's friend a flirt, i didn't think much about it. (cause why should i? i don't know him)
now you're calling my friend's boyfriend a flirt, and i'm beginning to worry for you.... i'm not pissed, really, just worried.

coz to you,
everyone else is a flirt.
and you seem to be the nicest guy on Earth.

isn't that worrying?
aren't u being a little too self centred?
aren't u being a little too insensitive?

i was walking along arts with my friend that day when she pointed to me this guy, and told me how horrible he was, how she heard alot of bad things about him etc.

i looked at him, and i saw myself.
i've been judged for what i have been in my past. i've been judged by people who don't even know me, who hear from others.

so what if i had umptheen failed r'ships?
does having lots of past r'ships automatically make me a bad guy?
or on the contrary, is a guy who never ever had any relationships the best of the lot?

so why don't people see the other side of the coin?
i've been single for 2 yrs,
i'm stupidly in love and holding on to a girl that isn't mine anymore..
i think of her every night, and sometimes i shed tears before i go to sleep.
whats worse,
i've tried, but failed to fall in love again.

a month ago, i met a girl, i did so many things for her birthday, and i honestly thought that everything was going to fall in place for once.

but no, i was still being judged.
and yes, i now don't love anyone. apart from my best buddy, and that girl who isn't, and would never be mine anymore.

the words dixie once said to me still rings in my head.
and i blame myself, even up till today, for this horrible personality that resulted in the breakup of what i deem my most perfect r'ship in my 24 years alive.

but the cruel fact is that, looking back at my past is not going to solve anything.

for gdness sake,
you're free to judge me.
nobody can stop you.

but 1. judge yourself first before u judge others
and 2. judge me only if you know me, not hear about me.

to this mysterious wonderful mr perfect.
stop calling others a flirt..
coz i look at you, and i don't see any better.
and because of that, you don't have the right to label every guy who's nice a flirt...

i'm disturbed when you judge my friend's boyfriend as if he's the most ugly person ever, and you're mr prince charming who's tryin to save my friend from the evil demon.

peace.

2009-11-07T23:03:00.000-08:00

isn't it funny how the older i get, the more i'm convinced that i want something that i've let slip three times in my life?

i don't blame myself for letting you slip when we were both in secondary school, cause we were both young.

but then,
why when we were older?

on a brighter note, i just got a song done recently.
my first in a very long time.
i realise my songs all revolve around the same theme, but i guess thats what people like me do...

2009-11-05T23:56:00.000-08:00

somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue :))

when i'm away for internship next year, i wonder what i would do without seeing these bunch of hyperactive fun kids.

2009-11-04T06:14:00.000-08:00

i love music.
but am i doing enough?

2009-11-01T21:23:00.001-08:00

feeling like a third party ain't cool.

2009-10-26T08:51:00.000-07:00

squash session with javin just now was fun.
but not the after effects. i can hardly move my hips now, think i just suffered a recurring slipped disc.
now. how do i walk tmr.

sukiya

2009-10-20T09:47:00.000-07:00

try sukiya at marina square.
sukiyaki steamboat.
u won't regret it.

went there with qing and mike today,
and i tell you, it was the most fulfilling steamboat i've ever eaten.
nicely sliced beef, thin,
fresh mushrooms,
sweet tasting soup broth...

i give it 5 stars.

2009-10-19T22:04:00.001-07:00

people grow through pain, i'm no exception.
now its time to channel those feelings into something more meaningful, like getting my essays done, or songs written.

i deserve it..

2009-10-17T09:13:00.000-07:00

here i am, struggling to complete my NM proj, and i have GEM proj due this coming monday, not forgettin SC proj due nxt monday.

think its bad enough?

no, i still have Science of Music essay due nxt wk, and a MIDI project due as well.

but no use complaining.
coz.
i asked for it!

i've been slacking so much for the entire semester....
leavin everything to the last minute.

thats what i've become recently.
a procrastinator.
ah well...

2009-10-11T10:31:00.001-07:00

i finally got my ass down to write a new song.
its been 2 years since i last felt proud of any song i wrote.

this is going to be a start i hope.
thanks to all those who listened and helped out with constructive comments online! :))

2009-10-08T12:09:00.001-07:00

have you ever felt this weird inverse relationship between distance and closeness.

the closer you get to a person, the further you feel apart from him/her.

what an irony...

500 days with summer.

2009-10-08T11:52:00.001-07:00

nice movie.

non typical.

realistic.

its amazing how hollywood films usually overplays the whole notion of love, making it all so sweet and wonderful..

when in reality, IT ISN'T.

so watch this movie.

its unconventional,but real.

love doesn't really exist.

neither does fate, or mere coincidences.

2009-10-06T12:02:00.001-07:00

the problem with me is i dont take rejection very well.

thats something i'm trying to change.

maybe its my ego.

d used to hate my ego.

2009-10-06T09:57:00.001-07:00

met up with eileen today for inglorious bastards.

surprisingly lots to talk about!

never knew we could just go on and on and on about things.

and i found out that her sister knows ewe.

meanwhile, i'm confused about a lot of things.

books, with empty pages, are unreadable.

or maybe u're an encyclopedia with too many words to understand.

or maybe its just me who's stupid...

but i'm trying u know...

but i'm just an ordinary person.

i don't know which way to go.

anyway, i've got a recent favourite song.

for the first time in a long time.. i've had enough of songs that go "pokerrr face, or just dance or imsoniaaaaa"

download asher book's someone to watch over me.

it encurtails the beauty of simple words, with a simple melody.

something that i haven't been able to find of late.

like what joce told me.

mebbe the songs i write, the inspirations, come from what i've gone thru.

and what i've gone thru lately,

isn't really the nicest things to put into a song...

and i dreamt of dixie that day.

it was freakishly realistic. so much that i actually sleepwalked out to the toilet, and back to sleep without knowing and my mum saw me :S

2009-10-04T06:58:00.001-07:00

lets see..
3 assignments due this wk,
1 mid term test.

but hey! its e-learning wk. which means i go back to school only once this wk for tutorials, and the rest is just online

(which then gives me another reason to slack)
this sucks... :

knn.

2009-10-02T13:23:00.001-07:00

some people are assholes.

and i wonder why i even bother.

fark you.

like hello. university students should have EQ shoudln't they?

---

and yes you.

mebbe you ought to be more sensitive.

i'm not feeling-less huh.

i'm human.

even if its not your fault that this is happening and u didnt cause it.

i feel stupid for everything.

for being so affected.

for feeling so out of this world now.

it meant something to me u know.

doin everything for u.

it meant alot.

its 430am and so much is runnin thru and i just cant sleep.

2009-10-01T11:30:00.000-07:00

it has been such a hectic day today...

from waking up at 730am for a second life class (which was awfully retarded), to going to the market, baking (and eventually burning my brownies), rushing down for tutorials coz i'm late from baking,

den jurong point, shopping, getting the right stuffs (looking really retarded going in the same shop 4 times alone), dinner, strollin along boat quay all the way till reachin home at 1am..

surprising i was never tired until i reached home.

and now it feels like the whole world is spinnin. all i need to do is close my eyes and i actually can fall asleep in front of the computer

den again, all this is worth it i guess

i haven't done something so unconditional for a long time.

i haven't sang a birthday song like this before

nor prepared a night like this.

i draw a circle around your name

not a heart

because in my world, hearts break.

they break, disappear and hurt.

circles go on and on and on forever.

and thats what you should get.

2009-09-29T09:13:00.001-07:00

point to myself:

1. i'm not doin anything everyday. i'm just playin championship manager, watchin hours of hk serial, teaching music, and nothing else

2. my life's too boring. i need something to spruce it up.

3. i want my dog back in my house. i miss rocher like crazy.

4. i'm beginning to wonder why the hell we attend arts camps and orientation weeks when ultimately we don't exactly make friends we talk to. hi, bye friends. :S

5. i'm having sleeping disorders. i sleep earli, and i'll wake up in the middle of the night at 3 or 4am and fail to sleep again. den i'll sleep by 6am, until noon.

6. i'm skippin school too much. i don't know why but i just feel that this semester is a bloody waste of my time.

extinction.

2009-09-28T01:52:00.000-07:00

each time i think i meet someone nice, i've been made to discover its a mistake.
and when i finally meet a genuinely nice person, it just doesnt move the way it supposed to move.

now you know why i'm still stuck in this rut.

2009-09-27T08:48:00.000-07:00

my best buddy just said something that made me think:

mel says: (PM 11:47:33)

is she really worth it buddy..i know u'll say she is no matter what. even if she says she hates u and tells u to stop bothering her u'll still think she's worth it. i dont know whether to admire u for your strong devotion or to think that u're the silliest guy

mel says: (PM 11:47:46)

and i honestly think that even if she really gets married, u wont forget her

mel says: (PM 11:48:19)

and then ur whole life will be ruined cos of her. at least your love life will be ruined.

mel says: (PM 11:48:41)

have u honestly never ever come close to being so in love with someone that u think u may be able to get over her?

gosh john khoo. its been 2 yrs. get a grip.

2009-09-26T13:14:00.001-07:00

girl: why do you keep talking to me even though i never ever talk back to you? why do you keep asking me out when i've always said no?

guy: because, for each time you say no, there is always this possibility you might one day say yes. and i'm willing to go through this time and time again just to live for that slight possibility.

------

this is how the human mind works.

if you're shameless enough that is..

what harm does it make from asking as long as you put your ego down?

its all about sacrifices anyway isn't it?

thats what love is about isn't it?

putting down of egos, unconditional everlasting feelings...?

sidenote: i cant believe recess week is over. and everyone around me is feeling the same.

innocent minds.

2009-09-23T20:00:00.001-07:00

getting drunk twice in a space of 2 wks made me realize something.

i woke up today to a dream.

and for once, the dream felt slightly more real when i went to my phone and discovered a reply.

its just nice to hear from someone that has been perpetually gone missing for such a long period in ur life.

someone who means that something.

its funny how the conversation with the people i clubbed with yesterday revolved around msging your ex boyfriend/girlfriend when you are drunk, and how stupid and loserish that is.

then it occured to me that i must be doubly loserish because i don't have to be drunk to do it.

but seriously whats wrong?

why can't ex-es still keep in touch?

to be honest with myself, i don't know what i'm doing.

i've claimed i've let go umptheen times this year.

and i did wholeheartedly thought i really did move on.

but can't anyone understand?

i've never ever ever loved someone that much.

yes, i know my friends are going to start lamenting and whining at how stupid i am again.

but yes, its really something i can't control.

i can't control that i don't enjoy grinding in clubs because i remember things she said.

i can't control that each time i club i look around hoping to see her.

it just isn't simple.

maybe somewhere, somehow, amidst all my lameass declarations that i've moved on, i'm still hanging in there for some weird reason.

hanging on and hoping that one day i might be able to love someone else the way i loved her.

hoping that that someone who can make me love this way would appear.

2009-09-16T19:28:00.001-07:00

someone please remind me not to cut my hair for the next 6 months.

thankyou. :|

happy birthday eugene!

2009-09-16T02:16:00.001-07:00

happy birthday eugene! :)

its been like what.. 10 years of friendship? :)

and many more to come! :D

may all ur wishes come true!

shit, i think its damn gay to dedicate an entry to u .

hahahaaa

but what the hell :)

APPRECIATE IT OKAY :P

musicians.

2009-09-15T21:28:00.001-07:00

are eccentric.
are highly emotional.
are humble.
and they love what they are doing.

no one musician is every accomplished, because there is so much more to learn from people around you.
i learn from some of my students on how to remain passionate in music.
i learn from some of the people i meet new vocal techniques, music directions.
i learn from television new skills in singing, and playing, and music arrangements.
thing is: we learn continuously, no matter how good and accomplished we alreadi are....

i've finally found the extra effort to write a song after completely not writing for more than a year.
lets hope i can find a new direction in my writing...

btw, i'm lookin for an alto/soprano to assist me in my choir.
and also, talented lyricist to help me make my tunes nicer :)
so let me know if you or your friends can help! :)

i love my friends =)

2009-09-13T07:41:00.000-07:00

my birthday is special this year because of the following people who have made my birthday so awesomely splendid.

lin yanping... :) for the birthday dinner, the random dvds we rented during our 4 hour horror flick marathon.... its been a long time since i did something like this... and everything was really fun.. thank you :)

josheen wee wen jun=)
for meeting me after your tiring hot day of frisbee and IFG and for the massively crazy camwhoring after that... i often feel that its unlikely to make many new friends in university, but u proved me otherwise ;) thanks for the awesomely sweet birthday msg and for tea in town... i'm glad i met you in NUS =)

huiqing, for always going against me but yet being one of the bestest friends in university, and for coming out despite having an upcoming test

huilin, for taking time off and rushing down after your tiring work...

charlotte, for taking time off your busy wkend... sacrificing time you can otherwise spend with your boyfriend, and also for your constant efforts to keep in touch and message me online even though you are out at internship now.

michael, for being such a great friend for the past few years. since rv days till now... you're always someone i can talk to...

for the surprise cake u guys bought me, and the lameass red apple with a card that says "coming soon"... for charlotte qing and lin, it has been 2 yrs since we known each other! and you guys are the friends i know i can count on in university when i'm absolutely down in the dumps :) thanks guys...

my students, seemun.. for being such a responsible and mature choir president...
wendy, for being one of the first few to message me at the stroke of midnight...

and at the stroke of midnight or somewhere near the first few hours of my birthday, i had friends like eleanor - for droppin me a sweet sms... and for always asking me if i'm fine when i appear emo...
jonchong my 1985 fellow buddy - one of the very few guys i can seriously talk to in university.. thanks alot bro...
lynette jiejie, 3rd ee (for the romantic 3rd ee loves you birthday message)
wanhsin, patricia... you guys were the few earliest to message me and it really meant a lot to receive birthday greetings within the first few hours of my birthday...

the many messages i received the instant i woke up...

camy (who msged my mum's number instead apparently),

eugene (long time friends messages are always the most heartwarming)

joy, lydia, venus, janice mei,

belinda sister (who finally didnt curse me to be single for the rest of my life)

as well as christine cousin (who forgot and thought you wished me late for my birthday when you were actually on time - what a cousin! i cant believe i helped you so much for your birthday. hrmphs.. haha)

brianna (for not forgetting like you promised)

michele, (for always being so enthusiastic and spontaneous about everything - from my guys night out poker sessions, to mahjong, to holidaying in bangkok)

nana (for meeting me and treating me to laobeijing high tea buffet)

michelle pokes (pleasant surprise!!),

mellissa buddy (you mean the world to me buddy...and i always always know u'll be there for me no matter what...just like how i'll always be here...)

ryan (i'm sorry i didnt reply you but i was driving! but yes, to receive msgs from you guys warms me.. haha)

zang ewe, for remembering. (for taking time off your ice cream buffet to meet me at ion for a photo)

grandma, mum and dad.... (for bringing me for my favourite coca steamboat, and for the angpow because you don't exactly know what to buy me - and also for somewhat promising to buy me a car once i graduate - which i hope you won't forget.. haha...)

and for the rest who msged me on facebook.... although facebook does take away the authenticity of birthday wishes (i'm guilty of it too, dropping a convenient happy birthday to friends while visiting their profiles)... but yes, it was heart warming to know that at least you guys remembered and bothered to click and say happy birthday...

university friends... (in order from earliest to latest)

sinyee (fellow gamelan modulemate),
tricia, samuel (for always reminding me to keep fit, although i don't exactly join you for your frequent invitations to jog with you),
allena, joyce, lynn koh wanying, wilson, liyana, gimsiong, peiyi, xiaowei, yeening, chinseng, yinyue, celestin,
huiying ally (who shares the same birthday as me!),
daisy, miss ou meimin,
sharon ally (one of the first 3 friends i made in my first year of university... i'm glad u still frequently remind me to organize our allies outing.. coz that shows you care :))
lizhen, cheryl, ginnie...
mag chua (for calling me flubber.. i seriously cant believe you havent forgotten my nickname in secondary school..)
jiayang (another one of the very few guys i trust in university... whatever happened to joce! she forgot to wish me!!) hahaa...
junyue, ryan, celeste, christabel, regina, kaiying
sara-ann (for wishing me and not forgetting about wii at the same time... what kind of a message is "happy birthday wiiiiiii"! hahaa...),
yanguang, yaozong, vanessa, qiling, szehwei,
weili, (for reminding me nt to be emo, although i think i should remind you the same)
vanessa (for being one of the last, but whew, u were on time)

students, nurul, chihpeng, jixiang, jasmine, lynn....

other friends from secondary school or elsewhere, some of which i haven met for AGES, like dawn, mori, diana auntie, xuefen, szeyin, cheryl yong, jialin, shuxian, geri, meijia, jolene chiang,

charlene chan (who has repeatedly promised to meet up, but to no avail even though i've been to pj umptheen times),
jasmine lau, (when was the last time we talked mann!)
yunhsiu (meet up soon please! i feel as though the last time i met you was when u stayed in parc oasis and knocked on my window)

those friends that wished me, LATE, but yes, still appreciated...

hweeguang (Woah. we go way back from primary school)
irene, daniel, selwyn, ariel, xiaoli,
wah suying (so am i invited to bangkok with you? :P)

tienkwan (for being late... i cant believe it!!!),
and cindy (for being the LATEST officially)
and wait. JAVIN (for JUST beating cindy and being the latest - 13th september 1135pm)
and now justin hong, friends since secondary 1 (for officially being the latest latest... =) sorry for not being able to meet up when you were back in singapore... but yes, i promise i'll better organise my time and meet you and fang when u're back again!

THANKS EVERYBODY FOR A MEMORABLE 24TH =)

happy birthday to me :)

2009-09-12T22:47:00.000-07:00

how apt.
my 100th post in this blog marks my 24th birthday.

i cant believe i'm 24.
i dont feel like i'm 24.
and i hate being 24.
in one year, i'll be in my LATER part of my twenties.

anyway.
i had splendid birthday celebrations this year.
from the eve of my birthday right up to the stroke of midnight of the end of my birthday.

photos and thankful gratitude messages coming up soon (when i actually find the time to upload the photos and write my thankyou messages)

but u guys know who u are!
those that remembered.
thanks a million.
your birthday wishes and time was greatly appreciated.

in my oversized t-shirt.

2009-09-08T10:20:00.000-07:00

you still haunt me.

its because of you that i figured out what it meant by being beautiful both on the inside and the outside.

i have been telling myself this has to stop.
but as i reach my 24th birthday,
i realize i'm still struggling.

2009-09-07T09:26:00.001-07:00

soci of family lecture today convinced me that

1. i'm going to remain single for the rest of my life
2. i'm definitely not going to find a vietnam bride even if nobody wanted me
3. i am damn fussy when it comes to finding a partner.

lets all go wild.

2009-09-06T07:05:00.000-07:00

i've recently come to realise that we become a lot more choosy and skeptical when making friends in university.

and that i have a very low threshhold for several type of people:
touchy guys.
bitchy girls.
backstabbers.
self centered people.
egoistic guys who think they look horribly good. (i meant the pun). or disgustingly strong and macho
social butterflies. (people who seem to treat u like frens, before realizing that they drift away before u can say hi)

and i guess thats why i've been keeping very much to myself lately.
i'm glad i have friends like huiqing charlotte jiayang elly chris huilin and celeste from university.
and that i've made new friends over the course of this semester like josheen jonchong.

and of course a few other names i may have missed out.

but other than that, i guess i've had my fair share of watching for myself how my tolerance level for certain kind of people is rather limited.
or how some people look nice on the outside, but harbours evil ill intentions on the inside.

which makes me all philosphical about things again, and life in general.

i've also come to realise how i get along with girls a lot better than guys.
anybody who has watched the recent movie on the best man would understand how it feels.

i have a bunch of guy friends from secondary school, and these friends are the only ones i would completely open up to. ryan, detong, michael, javin, james, marvin, eugene. and these are the only few guys i will probably invite to my wedding if i needed a best man.

sometimes i feel like i can count my true friends with two hands.
but then, it also could be because of a lack of effort on my part to maintain friendships with a lot of people.

like how i recently pangsehed peifeng for kbox with sabai shiwei vivian because i FORGOT that i told them one week ago i would join them for karaoke.

or how i will tell my frens we shld meet up for dinner, and when they say yes we should i just totally refuse to make the first move to actually arrange dinner.

ahhh.
and i choose to believe i'm not the only person who's facing such a problem.
i guess, if any of you are reading this,
u'll probably realise that at some point of time ur life's like that.

sometimes i see a familiar face in school,
and i think twice about whether i should say hi.
coz ultimately, that person's just an acquaintance, its not like i'll hang out with that person or anything in future.
but at other times i'll think "okay. john, be friendly. just smile and say hi. it wouldn't harm to be friendly would it?"

---

and did i tell u that.
a recent chick flick i watched called beth cooper gave me insights and a realisation:

that i've forgotten how it feels to love someone,
and how it feels to be loved.
for long periods of my life i've jumped from r'ship to r'ship,
without ever savouring any beautiful parts of these memories...

and yes, the words 'i love you' seems rather rubbish to me...
is it because i'm old and i've seen the world?
or is it just me? :|

---------
meanwhile on a lighter note,
apart from all these rantings,
i'm proud at myself for completeing my first ever choir music arrangement for my secondary school choir.
i've painstakingly arranged all soprano alto parts and written them down on a paper, that i hope will go on smoothly during practice tomorrow :)

REMINDER TO SELF: i've a test on tuesday. (which i know zilch about at this point of time, and its monday tmr)

2009-09-03T04:51:00.000-07:00

i'm not in the mood to smile.

Virgo Guys - DAMN TRUE

2009-09-02T10:33:00.001-07:00

I read this from an email sent to me by a friend, and i've got to admit, this astrologist has got everything spot on about me.

------------------

VIRGOS

This guy is a gentleman and has conservaive beliefs to match. He is also vain and thinks that cosmetic surgery in guys is not unheard of. He usually has a great sense of humour but stays away from loud people or people who are predominant in a group.

He believes that guys should woo the girl. For all his conservative beliefs, he rarely goes out with a girl who is all beauty. He often falls in love with simple girls who exude more brains, charms than beauty. This is also because of a virgo guy's underlying thought of "not dating someone prettier than him".

He is secretly very insecure with himself. He checks the mirror ten times before stepping out of the house and often feel insecure when people pass comments about him.

Trends in fashions, technology and sciences amazes him. Prudence is the key word with him and he will not be able to sleep when he thinks he did something improper during the day.

In love, he will be the perfect guy to bring to the salon on a date. He will not feel uncomfortable shopping and may even astound you with how much he knows about wrinkle creams, facial foams and hair sprays. He likes to pamper a girl, and would go all out to please a girl whom he genuinely cares about. He would however begin to shun any girl whom he feels is a waste of his time or finances.

A virgo male will stick to you when you need him the most. He will care for you and dutifully carry out all the responsibilities a husband is expected to do. But note, he cares for his friends the same way. The only difference is that he cares for you with love, whereas he cares for his friends with loyalty.

With all this practical romance however, a virgo guy takes break up less seriously than others do. He mulls over a break up for a day or so, but most of the time, he'll be up and running in a couple of days. A virgo guy is also more likely to date someone else after a break up.

If you intend to date a virgo guy, always look and smell your best when out on a date with him. He may laugh at you when you give a burp on the table, when deep inside he's actually going "ewww". Forget about wearing your most revealing dress in the wardrobe. A virgo man's kind of woman has to be clean - body, mind and soul.

GO CHARLES! :)

2009-09-02T07:18:00.001-07:00

i was literally pissing in my pants during the results show..
was out, but managed to call in for him while i was out, and managed to rush back in time at 10 for the results show.
and yes.
CHARLES IS THROUGH TO SINGAPORE IDOL FINAL 12!

go charles!
:)

for those who's wondering who he is,
visit http://stitchbeatbox.wordpress.com for his official site :)

from afar.

2009-09-01T22:03:00.000-07:00

things have not been easy for me for the past two years.
but at least i'm trying...

watching you lead a blissful life makes me even more determined to get mine straight on track...

birthday wishes

2009-08-31T10:34:00.001-07:00

my birthday's coming..

here's my wishlist. which is kinda ridiculous actually but i guess it just means i'm coming of age and the things i want are getting more and more unaffordable...:

1. a manutd jersey
2. 2nd hand honda jazz
3. 16gig iphone 3gs
4. a nice cap
5. that someone special.
6. mr bump from the 7-eleven collectibles
7. another bag to carry to school
8. new loafers

shall update it when i think of more wants.

2009-08-30T10:46:00.001-07:00

if anybody has any qualms or doubts over the beauty of acapella music.
here's a video to change your opinion.

i'm goin to download this video editing software and do one video like this soon... (Reminds myself)

NUS Jazz Band - Treat Her Like A Lady

2009-08-30T08:38:00.000-07:00

watchin the jazz ensemble perform yesterday brought back memories on alot of performances i did through my life.

and it certainly made me pause and think of all the fun i had.

but yes, it jut renewed my passion in stepping up on stage again.

its been quite some time.

so i'm goin to source for opportunities to perform once again.

i've been doing too much teaching i swear.

choir, students at home, students outside, etc.

and i'm reliving my childhood by getting addicted to purchasing those tiny capsules from 7-eleven that consists of the Little Miss Series handphone chains...

i guess some times in life you get sucked into doing crazy things like this.

and i hope you liked little miss sunshine.

unconditional.

2009-08-28T13:05:00.000-07:00

i remember talking about how i thought D looked good in anything,
even in my horribly oversized ugly designed school tshirt.

i think thats what love should be about.
unconditional, and un-superficial.
and i remembered that feeling again today...

2009-08-26T13:16:00.000-07:00

sometimes you feel so distant.
other times you feel so close.

its 415am. i should be sleeping.
but yes, there's so much weighing on my mind.

how do i do this?
how do i say what i want to say?

and yes, i have an assignment due in 3 hours.
and i can't even paraphrase a simple sentence properly.

dreams...

2009-08-25T06:27:00.000-07:00

i have dreams for my choir...
that they are going to all leave choir with something.
be it knowing how to sing, or knowing how to read notes, or how to blend, perform, beatbox, dance, whateverrr....

and i have plans...
to totally revolutionize how choirs in singapore schools are...

but i kinda know its pointless..
i mean..every choir works the same way...
nice blending, vertical sounds, smiling faces, etc.

why can't there be a hip choir...
something like how the choir in 'sister act' sang...
or those choirs you see in mainstream musicals like hairspray.. or sound of music...
something like this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqp89bkFe8k

i mean.. who cares about pitching and vowel sounds if singing in a choir was thattt fun...

but yahh...
its impossible..
or at least,
its impossible in singapore..
SADLY...

so i shall continue working with what i've got and hoping that...
i'll be able to use traditional methods to guide my choir to a medal in the next SYF...

(but den again, imagine if i did this for SYF). hahaa...

you make me feel..

2009-08-24T08:35:00.001-07:00

its not very john, to be bothered by something like this.

but thats the problem,

you make me feel and behave in a way that i never thought i would.

randoms.

2009-08-22T10:16:00.000-07:00

1. the 3 hours i spent under the sun today at raffles park waitin for the straits times car lucky draw alone has given me nothing, but a tan, and a worse cough and blocked nose.

2. i haven't eaten much for the past 24 hours. and the weighing scales say that i've lost 3kgs. which makes me wonder how much food i actually intake per day if not eating can make me lose 3 kgs...

3. sometimes i come online. and i really want to talk to you. but something's stopping me from clicking on your nickname and msging u... and i can give myself umpteen reasons why i shouldn't take the initiative and say hi...

4. its sunday tmr, and then school officially starts with tutorials and lectures at full force. i'm not ready for it at all.

5. i'm tempted to run out in the rain now, despite my flu. i like the sound of thunder when it comes on at night... and the sound of rain splattering on my window panes is giving me some form of comfort and making me feel less alone.

2009-08-22T05:54:00.000-07:00

i'm down with a bad bout of flu again.
and its only proving to be gettin worse by the second.
took one whole lot of tablets last night before goin to sleep,
in a hope that today would be better.

but nein...
its still the same...

random ramblings
but yes
i think i'm beginnin to not like the idea of constantly taking the initiative...

2009-08-21T09:04:00.001-07:00

belinda says:

and then it leaves u feeling super empty afterwards

you nailed it sis. thats how i feel :|

2009-08-21T07:14:00.000-07:00

i can't help but feel a sudden feeling of emptiness..
and what i've been doin for the past hour has had me convinced that i'm losing myself..

hearin from you now would definitely brighten my really depressing day.

2009-08-21T01:28:00.000-07:00

now i know how much i rely on my GPS.
got ewe lost yesterday. or rather vice-versa.
that girl told me to keep going straight.
so i was actually at woodlands already, den i continued going straight and returned back to bukit panjang, and bukit timah (where we INITIALLY left from)...

directions aside,
i'm currently still struggling to come to grips with the macbook..
i'm not even chatting on MSN as regularly.
and i need microsoft office, anyone has extra license keys for me?

i'm sick.
for the umptheen time within the past few mths.
i can't even talk. had to talk to my choir with whatever voice i had left.. and now i'm home without a single decibel of voice left in me.

did i tell u i'm really disappointed with the kids?
i had hopes for them
i bothered to teach them basic musical terms.
and out of the whole bunch of 25, only 5 or 6 passed the simple test i set for them.
now all i can hope is that they'll buck up.
i need the choir to move on. i want to conduct a choir from scratch and guide them to a medal.

i'm off to bed first. its 430pm and i am feelin so light headed that i suspect someone drugged the water i drank just now.

and watching "the proposal" yesterday got me thinking about marriage in a very different light..
and it kind of made me realise that the only person i can ever imagine marrying is my best buddy.
which kind of makes sense doesn't it?
its so hard to find someone that understands you that much..

fuzzywuzzy

2009-08-19T10:03:00.000-07:00

its been a long time since i feel embarassed "shy' saying sth...

and its been a long time since i took the MRT to send someone home...

feels kinda fuzzyyish inside..

which brings me on to the next topic.

i finally got my Macbook Pro

gonna upgrade its ram and steal microsoft and adobe from mich...

meanwhile, i'm still gettin used to the mac.

totally lagging while chatting online.

2009-08-18T19:15:00.000-07:00

sometimes i feel so lost and confused about everything thats happening around me...
sometimes i get so puzzled by own thoughts
i amaze myself at my lack of self awareness at times...

i don't even know what i'm thinking all of a sudden...

i'm becoming too quiet for my own good.
so whats the real me?..

the crappy one who seems extremely sociable to strangers?
or the one who feels uncomfortable when he interacts with others?

i walk along FASS and sometimes when i see a friend walking the opposite direction,
i hesitate to say hello.

whats happening?

2009-08-11T19:18:00.000-07:00

this is my confession.

for 2 yrs i've lived in the shadows of my r'ship with dixie.
and its time.
i'm ready to step out of it.

singapore idol!

2009-08-10T03:06:00.000-07:00

reminds me of the first time i auditioned when i was like way younger, and wayy more raw in singing...
ironically, now that i'm older and better, i'm thinking "heyy. mebbe i'm too old for this kind of shit"...
and den i'll go "maybe if i looked better, was taller, thinner, den maybe i would join"...
"mebbe if i could play the guitar better i would go join"...

but heyy... its goin to take a lot of maybes before i decide to participate in any of these singing competitions againnn...
so yupp, i'll stick to my dream of one day becoming a producer to groom singapore's next biggest thing :D

----------
which brings me to the point of this post!
my NS MDC buddy charles wong is in singapore ido1!
saw him auditioning yesterday on tv and he got thru!
so for those who are reading this, do support him and get to know this amazing talent :)

he has always been fantastic when we were in the same acapella grp last time... entertaining our audience with his wonderful renditions of beatboxing... and he sings and plays the guitar at pubs n stuffs too!
and i always thought he could make it far if he was more confident of himself in the past!

so yupp! do support him!
visit www.charles-wong.blogspot.com or search for user beatboxerstitch in youtube to hear his covers of all the latest hits! :)

go charles! :)

2009-08-08T08:29:00.001-07:00

school is starting..
and i just started to have fun in the past few wks.. :

2009-08-02T08:11:00.000-07:00

theres sth abt singapore thats making me feel kinda sian now.

my 4 days in bkk made me realise that singapore kind of lacks a night life.
granted that bkk's night markets make the roads look really messy and rowdy..
but at least there's some vibrance and life...

whats the use of having pasar malams that have to close by 10pm daily. and shops in nicely landscaped areas which close in the evenings?
and shopping centres that sell the same expensive stuffs every single day...

mebbe i'm just blabbering now coz my fever after coming back frm bkk means that i've been self quarantining myself since i came home.
and being cooped up at home with the dizzying side effects from tamiflu isn't exactly the best thing in the world.

the haunting of connecticut

2009-07-19T10:59:00.000-07:00

caught the movie with shuting at vivo.

managed to play with her iphone,

which is all the more convincing me that the iphone is a splendid choice.

it has really fun games and applications which can keep u occupied plus the touch screen is really sensitive...

only flip side is how i cant use my nails to type like i do with my omnia..

aniwae. back to the movie, i thought it was good. thrilling.

kept me in suspense throughout.

and it was great company anywayy, catching up with shuting.... and

i almost forgot how it feels to be out at night feeling the night breeze.

vivocity is an awesome place to do just that.

just like how esplanade's rooftop used to be in the past.

------

i washed the car at 1am just now.

crazy man.... it was this sudden random urge.

i drove to SPC at first to bring the car for a wash.

but gosh, it cost 7 bucks. i can do an equally good job myself at home.

so i drove to the basement and started washing...

any car that passed by would haf thought i was crazy.

------

school's starting school's starting. i haven even decided what modules to take.

ah, and yes. my sec sch bestfren is back from his studies for a one month holiday. time to meet up with justin and fang within the next wk or so..!

and owen scored manutd's first goal. i always feel we ought to give this lad a chance. i'm sure he'll be a bargain buy if he manages to keep injury free nxt season. go red devils!

randoms..

2009-07-18T07:35:00.000-07:00

quick updates...
CNM camp was a blast... with really fun freshies and councillors around....
got to know a lot of the CNM majors better despite seeing them around school for the past few semesters...

Siewmai outings have been really spontaneous and entertaining.... prata house, esplanade, vivo, random movies, wii at my place, crashing soci camp, etc.

And huiqing and i finally got to meet up with our beloved huilin, whom we kind of lost contact with over the holidays.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIN.

and of course who can forget mich,

the most spontaneous and enthu fren i have met.

can always count on her to play mahjong or poker when we need to make up the numbers :)

or late night movies.... etc.

i don't want my holidays to end.... :

new recording...

2009-07-17T06:10:00.001-07:00

i finally decided to get my first proper recording in a very long time...
inspired by daughtry's version of poker face, i decided to do a version of my own too :)

you can listen to it on www.myspace.com/johnkhoocm :)

massive mahjong + wii + guitar heroes

2009-07-16T10:23:00.000-07:00

had loads of fun yesterday.
met up with chonghui, yushu, gimseong, josheen for a crazy session of wii at 1am, followed by mahjong thru the night.
we ended at 10am. and we kept on going.
continued with guitar heroes, and wii again.
before heading to Zhou's kitchen to eat a 12 buck buffet.

i dont remember ever staying up for so long (i dont even do that in camps)
hahaa...

photos to be uploaded when josheen uploads them (which probably wld take damn long)
and yea, i found a jamming/singing buddy in chonghui.
he can like harmonize! :)

siewmai is making my life alot more exciting than it already is...
i remember those mundane routines of teaching music, choir, and den goin home to play my games, before headin out to chill at night.
at least its a lot more exciting now. alot more spontaneous...
spontaneous movies at night wiv chipang and sarah and huiqing, etc.

Action number 3.

2009-07-11T22:10:00.000-07:00

its not about how loud you cheer, or how crazy and enthusiastic you are...
or how much you're willing to give up and die for the house.

rather, its about the tight friendship bonds u foster throughout the experience,
and the fact that u know that you have a bunch of friends who will stick with you throughout your university life.

A successful leader, is one who earns the respect of everyone around them.
One who is able to blend in and assist a complete group of strangers into being a group of close knitted friends.

looking back,
i'm feeling kinda sad... and guilty...
why spoil this for the freshies?
they are simply freshmen who are waiting to embark on the next three years of their university lifes...
freshmen who just simply want to enjoy themselves...

i know it, cause i was once a freshman.

2009-07-11T12:20:00.000-07:00

CNM camp was a blast.

a totally new feeling being OGL in a camp free of stress.

with a superb group of fun freshies...

and of course superb councillors like andy and yeening...

sometimes i wonder if people around me should start growing up with little.

like hello.

whats the use of having politics in orientation camps?

oh well...

counting down to meeting up with the siewmais again for o week...

and of course, just a couple of wks to the opening of school...

2009-07-05T09:27:00.001-07:00

i'm feeling emo all of a sudden.
and this sucks.

perfect imperfections...

2009-07-05T06:24:00.000-07:00

two random words came to my mind yesterday night.

the idea of "perfect imperfections"...

its an irony how we go round searchin for the perfect one.

the right one....

when the most perfect one, is the one that isn't all that perfect at all.

2 years.

2 arts camps.

i need to move on...

the perfectly perfect, imperfect love.

Profile Playlist by John Khoo

2009-07-02T06:22:00.001-07:00

Profile Playlist by John Khoo

Shared via AddThis

2009-07-02T05:53:00.000-07:00

arts camp 2009 was a blast.
well, all FASS camps have always been that fantastic anywayy...

it was something special this year, joining huiying to be in the same og again (we met in arts camp 2007!)
and of course getting to know all the councillors that i've always seen around in school but never ever really sat down to talk to...

random, but i dont like the way we segregate ourselves into freshies and seniors. it makes me feel reallyy old, and i hate how i'm getting older as i'm typing this right now...

siewmai was fantastic. all 15 freshies were wonderful.
we had the quiet but supportive ones, the upfront and enthusiastic ones, the funny ones, the beng one, etc.
i've got to admit that this OG is fantastic.. the spirit, and the bonds formed.

now i'm hoping this would continue... and we'll all still keep in touch and continue being friends years down the road!
=)

now onto our next journey.
o week 2009. :)

2009-06-14T06:43:00.000-07:00

oh well,
i always knew i shouldn't watch ghost of ex girlfriend's past.

lesson learnt.
if you've found the one, never let her go...

we all learn from experiences don't we?
i'll be better nxt time.

2009-06-09T12:53:00.000-07:00

i'm utterly proud of myself.
its 353am, and i finally got down to creating my website for freelance vocal keyboard coaching.

friends reading, do help spread the word around!
www.jkmusiclessons.blogspot.com