I'm back, or at least, i think i will be.

Who's even still reading this?

the ups and downs of august.

have been thinking a lot recently,
firstly, about my ambition for my choir for winning a medal for the upcoming SYF.
secondly, about my career..

i'm so envious of choir conductors who have a wide array of talent right in front of them,
a huge choir of 80 members,
being able to choose who goes for SYF and who doesn't...
but i guess i've got to put my faith into each and everyone i have in my own choir and hope that they work 300% harder in order to achieve a medal.
but thereare so much politics and problems in the choir now that i feel pretty drained from music.

on to happier stuffs....
watched step up 3 with justine yesterday at cine!
gotta admit i was pretty disappointed at the show.
maybe popping isn't my thing.
i'm alot more wowed when the whole crew does dance moves together.

but i guess its just awesome to spend time together with friends whom u truly genuinely enjoy their company.

we made a spontaneous trip down to cck to visit my dogs at midnight!
and i realised how much i miss rocher!
watching him jump eagerly at me when i visit him totally warms my heart.
and i think the photo above is awesome. i haven't got a shot of rocher and me looking into the camera together despite trying to take one the past few years.

=)

meanwhile, i'm really beginning to think that feeling the unexpected at the most unexpected times is the most genuine feeling ever.

whatever happens, i'm happy =)

i came up with this quote myself recently.

you know... people always ask what love is like.
how do you know you love someone... yada yada.

and the regular answer i will usually give would be the whole cliche
"oh, you think of her before u go to sleep, and when you wake up in the morning"
"you try sharing all your happy moments with her"
"you feel happy when you hear from her online or on the phone"

as much as everything on top is true,
i think the most amazing thing and the most special feeling you can get out of love,
is when you love in the most unexpected manner.

when u dont anticipate you will ever fall in love with someone, and suddenly..
it just happens, with no reason, with no warning.

that unexpected feeling.
thats love.

i'm awfully disappointed.
the most trusted student i had in my choir actually turned around and played me out.
imagine putting all your faith and appointing her vice president, and she turns out to nip you in the butt.
an awful disappointment, a stab in the heart.
sometimes i really wonder how to manage kids like that.

i came up with the motto one for all all for one for the choir.
and now everything is in shambles.

i needed my students to stand up for themselves,
to love music,
to love singing,
and to be united.

i thought i succeeded in doing so.
only for today to ruin everything.

so they say adults are complicated with politics and stuffs at workplace/school?
i say children nowadays are way more complicated.

i've never felt more disappointed.
maybe i'm just not cut out to be a conductor then.

i'm in shambles.

the past 2 weeks have been fantastic really,
apart from getting to know new friends from crashing arts camp,
i also got to spend alot of quality time with friends =)
had a fantastic camp of our own in my place with josheen and van,

a pity sports camp didnt work out for me. i was so looking forward to all the fun sports...
but with all the rudeness and politics going on that pretty much irritated me..
i'm not the kind to take such things. i dont see why i have to subject myself to such bullshit..
which is probably why i dont think i can ever work under somebody. i need to be my own boss and be in control of my own stuffs.

i woke up today (sunday) feeling very empty.
technically i woke up at 9am, but i had dreams that i wanted to continue, so i continued sleeping, and my dreams continued, and i refused to wake up from that dream all the way till 1pm...

then comes the post -dream- hangover effect.
i've been loving the dream so much , that waking up and returning back to the real world sucks.
i'm not feeling empty, and pretty much zombie-ish,
and it doesnt help that i'm home alone, and my parents r out shopping for groceries (which i would have gone for if i woke up earlier from my dream)

i need to start looking forward to something.
i used to look forward to messaging you in the morning,
meeting you,
talking to you on the phone,

and now, i feel as though i'm nothing without you.


i read something in this book i bought that day.

"There are many incredible women in this world. If you're hung up on one particular girl you just cant get out of your mind - and she hasn't given you any sense that she shares the feelings - then recognize thats not how you're feeling, thats obssession. The best thing to do for yourself is to go out and interact with as many women as possible, until you realize that there are plenty of people out there for you - some of whom are capable of recognizing your worth and reciprocating your feelings"

yeah right.
maybe its true.
but contrary to whats being said above, i'm kind of relieved that for once in my life,
i actually know what i'm feeling, who i really love, and who i really want to spend the rest of my life with.
i've been getting into relationships, after relationships, after relationships, without ever sitting down to reflect whats wrong with me, why i'm always in this ongoing cycle.

is it going to help interacting with as many women as possible?
even if there are so many people capable of recognizing my worth and reciprocating my feelings, what if there's only one person i want to share my worth and feelings with?

okay. i admit.
because of the dream i had yesterday/today,
i'm in a worse state than before.

i've spent close to 3 yrs trying to forget you/her.
only for a dream like this to send me crumbling down,
to make me feel even deeper than i ever did before.

i miss a relationship in the past.
is anyone in the same boat as me?

its so easy for friends to go "john, move on.. she's not worth it" or "c'mon there are so many other fishes in the sea, trees in the forest".
and what about "aiyar, you've been in so many r'ships, just go find someone else, not like its going to be difficult for you"
or "john, its two years... it has been two years... time to move on..... dont be silly"

but
its
not
that
easy
for
me

period.

been a long time since i did a video, so while rehearsing for our upcoming show with Jonathan, we came up with this remix.

just being random, but yes, i miss zouk. HAHA

singapore flooding

check out this lighthearted picture that vanessa showed me of the flooding that happened in orchard today!

random questions...

just a random question i've been discussing with my friends lately...

can two people of the opposite sex ever just be good buddies or damn good soulmates all the way till they get married and have kids, etc.?

slow-moving tuesday.

if not for squash, i wld probably be balloon-ed right now, considering how much supper i eat everyday.
slacked the entire day today before meeting eileen for a quick catch up,
then javin and i decided at 815pm then we should play squash at 9pm, so we both had an hour's workout.

squash is extremely fun. i just need to start figuring out how to beat javin and his constant running.

speaking of which, its finally wednesday tomorrow..
zouk anybody? :))

the world cup is such an addiction.
i've been starting my day at 1pm, counting down to 730pm, watching till 4am, and then sleeping again.
and because of that, i've been indulging in suppers.
supper with detong n ryan, nuggets at home, instant noodles, chips, everything i can find at home (if i'm alone), and oily junk supper food outside (if my friends are over)
this is bad... imagine the amount of weight i'm going to put on for the next month.
this calls for more squash sessions with detong and javin,

thank gdness i'm not working.
so i get to sleep in, wake up and teach, sing for a while, and then sleep or wait for the world cup again.

did i mention i think i'm addicted to clubbing?
i've been going zouk for 2 consecutive wednesdays, and i'm planning to go again this wednesday.
and the most amazing thing is, i dont even mind going alone.
it feels good to unwind, drink and just dance to all the top 40 hits in Phuture.

there's this song constantly in my head, and it goes.....
"i'm only gonna break break your break break your heart"
damn catchy!

consolidated updates!

Life has been awesome, or maybe not, but first things first, I'VE GRADUATED!

I haven't updated for ages, but all these while i have been kept busy with lots of things. (or then again, maybe not cause i've been slacking around)

My trip to HK with Szehwei Wanying Wailay Cindy, Altitude's comeback performance in Detong's sister's wedding, Sports Camp outings, going out with Josheen Wee, Van, Sarah, Qing, JonChong, Darren, Huilin. Bintan work trip with Concept Alliance Events Company, etc. Mahjong sessions with hsin, mag, detong. Clubbing, Soccer, Squash, etc.

I'm glad i've been kept busy, especially since most people around me have been nagging at me to find a job.
But i'm going to stick around a while longer. Just stay unemployed, try to pursue my music, start teaching more, etc.

Meanwhile, my music lessons blog is up again. Do support and help me tell the people around about it:
its www.jkmusiclessons.blogspot.com

AND ON TOP OF THAT, the world cup is on, so i'm going to sleep at 4am everyday and wake up at noon.

Meanwhile, here are some photos of what has been happening for the past 2 months.
a BIG THANK YOU to all my friends who made life so bearable for me the past few weeks :)

we'll draw rings on each other's fingers.
and at that moment, the world revolves around just me and you.

i'm graduating in a month.
i cant believe it.

byebye university.

i don't know how much random tears i've shed on random days and random times like now.
for somebody that isn't even part of my life..

things to do within the next 11 hours:

1. two more hours of lectures

2. rehearsals with altitude for our wedding performance from 830-1030pm

3. NM3220 project introduction

4. Read and label and understand choral music for conducting tomorrow with Anglican High School

5. Practice conducting stance in front of the mirror

I need more than 24 hours to do all these effectively.

Someone help.

so..
should i study in NIE and teach music in secondary schools? (cheaper option)
go overseas study music and come back be a conductor? (super expensive, and a waste of another 3 yrs)

or what should i really do with life?

make use of my bachelor of arts and work in an advertising firm? pr firm?
sell insurance? and teach music privately?

don't i just hate it...
i'm in a phase of life where i have to make a decision.

i love teaching my choir.
but to get professionally certified overseas would cost like 300k for a total of 4 additional years of education.
and the stupid singapore system doesnt offer any diplomas for such expertise...

urghs.................................

its just a game...
but i'm actually pretty sad that one of us is going to leave and be busy with school.
its been so fun the past few weeks just laughing and talking rubbish and stuffs.

whatever it is,
i hope everything gets on smoothly for you!

so take care LFH...

i'm too tired to write cause i've been out since 11am and its 3am and i just got back.
but heres a brief summary in case i forget what to update on in the next few days.

cca fair, choir, i'm proud of you.
never been prouder.
watching you guys sing lady gaga, taylor swift and just run under the hot sun trying to pull in so many sec1s to choir.
that itself, set my mind at ease.
cause i know u guys care... and u guys actually bother about my "i want 20 sec1s in my choir next year" ambition.
fail or not, i'm proud of you all. each and everyone.

kbox with mag hsin eugene was really fun
except i thought it was ridiculous to pay 35 bucks per person for 3 hours of singing.
in fact, the price was damn over the hill.
but yup, photo whoring was fun, so was singing, and supper, and the horrible jokes we made in the car with michael when we met him for supper
:D

AuditionSea

i think i'm addicted to AUDITIONSEA.
its a fantastic game, and as much as i never believed in making online friends, i actually managed to make this bunch of really awesome friends who are really fun to talk to online.

Try it!

(And no, this is not a virus. i'm john and i'm typing this)
www.auditionsea.com
download and play 12party mode! :D

AND NO, this is not a kids game! i have met 20 plus uni students on it! :P

late night supper, poker.

detong, michael, james, marvin,

we've got to stop unhealthy suppers at 2am in the morning.

the fat is accumulating and i'm feelin awful

and because of that, i'm pacing around my room trying to burn the calories i just put on from that plate of fried beehoon.

:(

EMO.