i have given away my last one, almost two years to somebody who never ever loved me back.
now it feels awfully weird entertaining the thought of me liking someone else other than her.

but like i was telling kim... its time we all move on...

then comes the problem.
i don't know how it feels to like someone.
and even if i do, i don't know what to be thinking, or what to do and say....

how do you know if she's the right one?
and if you are not sure...
do you just watch her fall for someone else? or do u tell her u think u may be attracted to her?

its at this time when i realize how complicated love is...

my ideal girl...
plays an instrument,
sings,
is sweet,
and well mannered and lovable...

but even when an ideal one comes along...
how do you know if u're attracted to her bcoz of her "ideal attributes"
or beacuse u genuinely want to spend more time knowing her?

okay john.
its 340am.
u're probably just blabbering

step 1 to letting go of the past: paint my room.
step 2: time to put all the photos aside.

and what if i think i've found the girl of my dreams?

step 1:..... feel lost...
step 2:..... feel confused....
step 3:.....just not do anything.

is there a right..and a wrong way to doing things?
or is it just an inner voice inside me saying "john. u've made so mani mistakes. this might just be another one of your mistakes"

i think i'm secretly afraid inside..