dear x,
it has been 2years and 1 month since i started missing you and realising that you're the one i want to spend the rest of my life with.
its been 2 days since i found out that you are most probably with another guy

i don't blame you because in the first place i didnt do much to let u know how much i want u in my life.

but it aches so much now finding out that the girl i love, is in the arms of another guy...

i know i don't deserve you, which is probably why i never dared to go all out to let u know my feelings.

but deep inside i love you so much...
so so much.

this is the part in movies where the male lead will go "i'm happy as long as u're happy, even if i'm not the one to make u happy".

but for once, i don't want to lead that kind of movie-like life.

i'm not happy. because i'm not the one by ur side to make u happy, and because i know that if given a chance, i can do so much more to make u smile.

i'll do more than just queue 2 hours for your favourite doughnut factory doughnut..
i'll do so much more than buying you breakfast in the morning, or practising in front of the mirror on how to say hi to ur mum and dad in order to give them the bestest impresion.
i'll do more than surprising you with flowers for no reason.
i'll do so much more than just lie to u that i have work so that i have an excuse to fetch u from ur workplace.
i'll do things that i'll never think of doing, i'll do more than tell my schoolkids when i relief teach that the girl on my laptop's wallpaper is the one i want to marry.
i'll not only scribble ur name on my paper, and doodle sweet msgs to u during lessons...
i'll write songs with you on my mind, but not only that, every song i churn out during any period of time would have something to do with you.

because its true, love makes us do crazy things.

having said so much,
dear x,
i'll still love you,
like i've been doin so for the past 2 years...

and even if i have to imagine and accept that u're in the arms of another guy,
i'll do so.

call me stupid.
but i still hope that one day you'll read this, and feel how i'm feeling..
and then we'll lead a happy life together... just me and you, your parents, my parents, and maybe our children.
i'll give you everything.

Jumping on the bandwagon...

After trying out the WII at Qing's place last time, and finally during the roadshow at IMM recently when i went shopping wiv my mum...

My family has decided on purchasing a WII.
got a package at 680 bucks with the WII Fit mat and games...

And according to WII fit, i'm suffering from bad aches because of poor posture and fitness..

Sunday's weird without sunday soccer...
but well, i kinda spent the entire morning playing WII tennis boxing and baseball...
OH WELL :)

somehow it doesn't feel like exams are coming.
BUT HEY
it IS.
:S

i wanted to write about how i went bowling with qing last night..
and how happy and carefree i feel when i'm doin random stuffs like playing pool and bowling..

and also how i spoke to mr sushi till the wee hours of the morning last night...

but my mind's a blank now.

i can't believe it, its 1215pm.
and i'm slipping into this emotional state again.

can u call it love when its only one sided?

i have a sudden urge to fly to whichever part of the world you are in now..
knock on ur hotel door..
and tell u how crazy i think i'm feeling.

crystal jade xlb

okayy i swear i'm not going down to crystal jade's xlb steamboat buffet anymore in the near future... and i'm swearing off xlbs for the next month or so...

planned a surprise bdae celebration for ele... a nice cosy dinner gathering amongst the 5 of us... minus sidney who ps-ed us last minute...

i think people do crazy things when they are full...

we proceeded outside to take crazy jumping photos and lameass photos after dinner...

finally reached home around 12 after sending my cousin joce jy and ele back...

-----

been a long time since i last laughed so heartily i guess...

but i promised someone that i'm not going to go slip back into my emo self once again...

so yups.. here it goes...

------

3219 assignments are due tmr...

and i think there's a problem with singapore's educational system in general.

it trains us to be so rigid in our writing....

hearing people go "whats the correct format... but the format that the teacher gave says blahblahblah~" is such a common thing u'll hear in Singapore...

in the first place, writing a PR plan shld be flexible. there's no one way to writing it isn't it?

--

my first fruitful session with PSS's choir today...

as we approach SYF, i'm thankful that everyone's finally settling down and getting serious...

3 wks might be enough to fight for a bronze/silver in SYF...

den again, why so competitive? its the EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM once again....

people in NUS get selfish because of the bell curve. they keep to themselves, don't share notes, don't help their friends...

people participating in SYF fight to get Gold, Silver, neglecting the overall well-being of a child, neglecting the delights of singing and having fun...

------

i look around..
and i see nobody as perfect as u.

they say nobody's perfect.
but why is it that everything i see and remember about you is all so perfect n wonderful...

i dread the week.
and i've absolutely nothing to look forward to...

i think i'm losing it.. losing the drive and passion once again...
no passion to pick up my notes to study.
no strength to settle the issues in my choir.

or maybe...
i dread the week because
i can't stop thinking of you d...
and the only thing i would be able to look forward to is if you' wld drop me a msg or a note just to let me know how u are...
but i'm not hearing from you...

a round up of the past few days...

as i slowly recover from the ankle injury that has been bothering me for the past 2 mths... im' also beginning to enjoy soccer more...
better first touches... and i can finally shoot with my right foot after using my left for the past few weeks...

soccer today was fun... wldn't say it was spectacular but at least i managed to get away with quite a number of goals and assists... out of which three of them were like rather nice goals i managed to create myself... its been a long time since i scored so many, and even if i did score last wk, it was quite routine tap ins, or one on ones.... so i'm rather pleased with today!

----------
i think we are all getting old...

i've been noticing that all us guys are slowly feeling the after effects of soccer...
javin with his ankle injury, detong as well... michael with his aches, eugene and his "playing soccer will make u tired"... me with my slipped disc and sharp pains around the spine after soccer, etc.

i was thinking during lunch just now...
its amazing how sunday soccer has been a ongoing affair with all of us guys...
and its also one of the reasons why we are still keepin in touch...
as we all start to get busy with school, and in the near future, work... i believe that sunday soccer would be the thing that lets us stay in touch with each other's lifes...
---------

speaking of which, i watched "watchmen" with mich two nights back... and the movie ended at like.. 5am?? i was totally falling asleep while driving... :S movie's nice! but i think its M18 bcoz of the violence, gore and sex in it... there was lots of blood... and its definitely not recommended for anyone who has just eaten a full meal or sth...

---------
(backtracks a few more days)
i had to deal with a difficult student recently during my choir..
and like i mentioned before...
sometimes i wonder how kids nowadays think...

i remember being taught by mrs lee lee mui last time.. my physics teacher.
she was fierce, overbearing, and somewhat scary and threatening.
everyone kept quiet during lessons, but hardly any of us enjoyed physics...

den i remember miss toh... my chemistry teacher.
who was just easy going.. nice... etc...
but because of how nice she was... nobody listened to her.everybody treated her like a fren.
but i enjoyed chemistry to a certain extent...

its important to find a balance i guess...
work is work, play is play.
there always has to be a distance btwn a teacher n a student...
but my philosophy and rationale behind my easy-going nature still remains the same:

that is.
singing should be fun.
it should be relaxing.
singing in a grp itself is an art...
and when beautiful voices merge together.
we shld all immerse ourselves in the wonderful harmonies, etc.

its the same for pioneer's choir.
everyone should enjoy everyone's company.
it doesnt matter if they win COP, or bronze, or silver...
but when we all look back, we should remember the beautiful memories that we had together..
results are secondary.
but the friendships and ties that emerge frm the weekly practices would be sth that stays in ur mind when u grow older...

with all the politics and problems in my choir now...
i'm not even sure if i'm doin things right.
maybe i'm not.
maybe i was just too nice when i started.
and now when everyone starts climbing over you, it gets harder to get the respect an instructor should get from his students...

-----------
and yah...
i'm choosing to ignore it.
but hell is breaking soon...
project deadlines, individual assignment deadlines, and the much dreaded exams...
i haven't started studying. i haven't read my readings.

i won't be interning this 3 mths vacations...
and i probably would be stayin at home every single day..
so i decided to forego my holidays to study an extra special holiday semester...
meanwhile, i have made half baked plans to go overseas with either qing, mich or vio...
not sure if anything would materialise though...

sent her an email a few days back...
i'm still waiting for your reply...
you did mention we could still be friends didn't u?

----------
time to rest and prepare for another tiring week of school...
1 mth to choir's SYF.
1.5 mths to exams.
i'm not superman you know...

i skipped lectures today...
not because i was lazy or whatsoever..

but i woke up at 730am... to a really heart warming dream...
you were inside...
as pretty as before...
with voice as soft and gentle as before...
and we were playing and bumming around with each other.

i replayed my dream like twenty over times in my head
before snapping back into reality
and that was when i realised how depressing the morning just started out to be.

i turned around and looked at ur photo on the wall..
turned back, took a deep breath, picked up my hp.
and decided nah. i'm not goin for lectures today.

----
now i'm genuinely out of bed.
and i cant get you out of my head..

d.
just a simple sms from you would make my day..
but its been almost a month since i last heard from you.

you may not realise it... but anytime you want me.. i'm yours...

in order to kill whatever time i have while stayin at home alone,

i recorded this track. a cover version remix of jason mraz "i'm yours"

John - Im Yours -

organised team bonding games for the choir on monday.
but it sadly didn't work.
sometimes i think children are complicated...
i don't ever remember being so hard to handle when i was younger....

like yes. they're fun to talk to... fun to teach...
but in an instance they can get on ur nerves...
and what about having students scolding "ccb" behind ur back directed at u...

oh well...
part and parcel of teaching i guess...
maybe thats why i didn't take up the MOE bachelor of arts scholarship 2 years back....

----------
i've been feelin abit sick lately...
waking up with running noses and crazy coughs...

i just put up a few photo frames on the wall...
and you are in one of them...
its been 2 years since we last seriously caught up...

the most recent image i got of you was ur birthday.
n nothing ever since then...

i don't blame you.
i blame myself.

all i feel like doing now is play soccer and smash a few goals into the net.
or squash, and smack balls against the wall as hard as i possibly can.

i tossed n turned in bed last night
and i set a new record of imsonia of 430am.

had to wake up at 7am for lessons, and the day lasted all the way till 6pm (by which i was totally sleepin durin 2201's lectures) (and it was awfully unglam)

subconscious thoughts floated in my mind while i was tossing last night.
weird hallucinations and fantasies entered my mind.

that image in my thoughts has to be you.
because you're the only one who will make me feel this way.

my friends have been asking me why i'm so emo lately...
and i don't really know why...
i mean. i've always been emo for the past few mths.. but this emotions seem to have peaked within the past few wks...

its not easy. but heyy... 23 years of growing up.
i'm sure i can deal with this somehow...

meanwhile. i'll keep you in my prayers, and pray that u're safe and happy everyday and night.

happy days...

the happier days of my life.

was when i cared about nothing else in the world.
but you.

the long walks we'll take from IMM to ur place.

without caring about anything else around us.

If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long

With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong

Our dreams are young
And we both know they'll take us
Where we want to go

(Chorus 1)
Hold me now
Touch me now
I don't want to live without you

(Chorus 2)
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of I'll never ask for more than your love

(Chorus 3)
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you
If the road ahead is not so easy,
Our love will lead the way for us
Like a guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view
I'll help you see forever too

drove to school today. thank gdness i did cause i was going to be like 30 mins late for lectures..

i'm in school now and i'm hardly listening to the lecture...
surfing around on starhub and singnet broadband plans and also on the it fair for PC deals...


went to zouk last night for an hour with qing...
i actually paid to enter and left in an hour...

------

drank a flaming, and a vodka.... and i cldn't drink too much because i was driving.
but yea...
i love flaming lamborghinis...!

(photos soon)

qing and i did project from 3pm - 1230am!


and we got so absolutely cranky at the end that we just started blabbering nonsense... talking to each other on MSN when we were actually just side by side...






i cant wait for the holidays.


i think everyone in NUS is feeling this way.


all the horrid project deadlines, exams coming up, etc.







i think Singaporeans cant take stress.


Look at the number of suicides taking place lately...


its all because of stress...

anyway... this is random.


but all the laugher and craziness during project today made me realise that i'm so so so thankful that i have qing as a friend...

its not easy to find someone like that..
someone who understands u, and whom u understand... and most importantly you know the friendship won't get too over complicated...

i never believed in guys n girls becoming the best of friends,
because somehow love always acts as an obstacle...
but i guess growing up and knowing qing made me realise that there was always an exception...

heres the reason why NUS life isn't that bad after all.... qing me and lin :)

the two of them has brought so much more colours into my dull everydays in school...

4 goals today. 2 assists. and lots of sweat

first time in a long time...

been playin with my slipped disc getting the better of me in the recent months.

i probably should go see a physiotherapist or orthopedic if this persists...

meanwhile.

time to gear up for another hectic wk of school...

those were the days...

all we needed was each other, a pen, and a long tired crowded bus ride can become so wonderful..

one of the reasons why i don't want to repaint my rm despite it looking really ugly and messy is this.

every corner of the room now reminds me of you.
and if it didnt remind me of you, i'll feel doubly empty every night before i go to sleep...

there's something about these singers...

first two photos - joey yung

last photo - ivy li chu ning (from xing guang da dao)

i'm rather drawn to them when i hear them sing...

and it has been a long time since i went woah over any singer other than jj lin..

a couple of things i wanna do/i need to do in the next few wks:

1. i need a new PC. my current desktop is killing me with all its lagging and its hanging when i send fies to my friends...

2. sign up for nokia's CWM service.... with tunebite, i'm able to rip all the songs into mp3s and i'm finally going to be able to update my collection of songs and start keeping in touch with modern music

3. sell my w960i phone. its lying in the drawer for like months without anybody using it..what a waste of resources

4. sign up for starhub broadband and scv tv.. or rather renew the contract, should the promotion for the upcoming PC show be good...

5. start exercising again. i've been bumming around too much. i know how many times i've been saying this.. but yes, i need to start getting in shape...

6. complete my song.... the one that i have arranged and recorded halfway.... i've been procrastinating way too much because of how busy i've been teaching choir, studying, and going out...

7. buy a novita aromatherapy diffuser. i believe in the finest things in life, and i believe a aromatherapy diffuser in my rm will enhance my standard of living for the days to come...

8. catch up on my work in NUS. i've been totally lagging behind this semester. and yes, i haven't been reading readings (not like i ever have)... but this semester i'm not even catching up on simple basic lecture notes...

9. do something about my emo nights. i miss her... and i want to see her everyday... but everyone knows this isn't going to happen. so i'm going to have to grow out of it.... meanwhile, she stil remains the ultimate dream girl whom i wld want to spend my life with...

10. start saving up for a car. i have plans and i know what i'll be doin when i graduate. i'll most probably be teaching music, and travelling around the island giving lessons, teaching choirs, teaching vocals and keyboards in music schools, etc... so i suppose a car is going to come in handy....

and last but not least,

11. make a conscious effort to do the above 1-10 ( because knwing me, i'll be procrastinating as usual)

------------------
pioneer choir is slowly getting into shape...
i want them to be able to feel proud of themselves when they come down from victoria concert hall's stage, knowing that they have put in their best all these weeks....

yes, we started later than 99% of all the secondary schools around singapore.
but no, this is not going to be an excuse...
when we step down, whether or not we get COP, bronze, silver, or gold.... i think that all doesnt matter to me... but wat matters is that all the things we've been doing have taught the choir, and me... a valuable lesson...

a lesson of working hard to achieve a goal.
a lesson of how to love and enjoy singing....
of making friends, and fostering friendships with juniors/seniors/teacher...

i certainly hope i'll be able to stick with this choir for the next 5 years or so...
so that i can build something for the students who are currently in choir... the sec1s, 2s.... and leave the sec3s and 4s and 5s with wonderful memories...

i guess all this is gg to depend alot on what we get for syf...
whether the school needs/wants me after everything
and what job i'm goin to take on in future...

this is the most adorable dog in the world...

watching marley and me yesterday just reminded me of what a wonderful dog rocher is....

how he knows when i'm sad and he just sits beside me while i watch television...

and how he comes jumping at the door when he knows i'm back from school and army last time...



he's always been there for me, even though i haven't always been there.

its a waste my mum doesnt want him at my house...

but every time i visit him over at cck, he nv ever fails to make my day...

and how he barks when he knows i'm leaving and that i'll only be back to see him like next week...



he is truly the most intelligent dog on earth..

not only does he know when i'm sad,

he also was the one to inform me when my grandma fell in the toilet last time...

and how he chooses friends for me.... like how he would not like people to enter my rm except those few that he sees more often...



rocher's the best :)

and look how cute when he eats :)

anybody heard about Nokia's latest offering?
Free downloads of over 1,000000 songs from music.nokia.com.sg

the flipside?
you've got to purchase a nokia "comes with music" handset...
the handset price is jerked up 200 bucks from original price..and you only get to listen to ur downloaded music on your PC, and on ur nokia device...

but woah. free UNLIMITED LEGAL downloads is certainly tempting...
thats unless i manage toget my hands on a free tunebite software which allows me to rip off all these licensed mp3s into my mp3 player...

i wonder if nokia secretly collabrated with tunebite to produce such a software that hacks into the license of the mp3s..