i woke up today to a dream.
and for once, the dream felt slightly more real when i went to my phone and discovered a reply.
its just nice to hear from someone that has been perpetually gone missing for such a long period in ur life.
someone who means that something.
its funny how the conversation with the people i clubbed with yesterday revolved around msging your ex boyfriend/girlfriend when you are drunk, and how stupid and loserish that is.
then it occured to me that i must be doubly loserish because i don't have to be drunk to do it.
but seriously whats wrong?
why can't ex-es still keep in touch?
to be honest with myself, i don't know what i'm doing.
i've claimed i've let go umptheen times this year.
and i did wholeheartedly thought i really did move on.
but can't anyone understand?
i've never ever ever loved someone that much.
yes, i know my friends are going to start lamenting and whining at how stupid i am again.
but yes, its really something i can't control.
i can't control that i don't enjoy grinding in clubs because i remember things she said.
i can't control that each time i club i look around hoping to see her.
it just isn't simple.
maybe somewhere, somehow, amidst all my lameass declarations that i've moved on, i'm still hanging in there for some weird reason.
hanging on and hoping that one day i might be able to love someone else the way i loved her.
hoping that that someone who can make me love this way would appear.
