i have given away my last one, almost two years to somebody who never ever loved me back.
now it feels awfully weird entertaining the thought of me liking someone else other than her.

but like i was telling kim... its time we all move on...

then comes the problem.
i don't know how it feels to like someone.
and even if i do, i don't know what to be thinking, or what to do and say....

how do you know if she's the right one?
and if you are not sure...
do you just watch her fall for someone else? or do u tell her u think u may be attracted to her?

its at this time when i realize how complicated love is...

my ideal girl...
plays an instrument,
sings,
is sweet,
and well mannered and lovable...

but even when an ideal one comes along...
how do you know if u're attracted to her bcoz of her "ideal attributes"
or beacuse u genuinely want to spend more time knowing her?

okay john.
its 340am.
u're probably just blabbering

step 1 to letting go of the past: paint my room.
step 2: time to put all the photos aside.

and what if i think i've found the girl of my dreams?

step 1:..... feel lost...
step 2:..... feel confused....
step 3:.....just not do anything.

is there a right..and a wrong way to doing things?
or is it just an inner voice inside me saying "john. u've made so mani mistakes. this might just be another one of your mistakes"

i think i'm secretly afraid inside..

Fun-filled, enriching music lessons: My Portfolio

Fun-filled, enriching music lessons: My Portfolio

ahh.. supposed to be out at timbre with the guys now...
but i'm really really sleepy...
and i had so much to settle at challenger just now about my desktop...

and its weird...
but i'm online for a reason :S

counting down; crossing my fingers

one more paper to go...
then the dreaded awaiting of results...

i'm feeling so much worse off than previous semesters...
and i've got so much to worry after my exams...

i hope my head's fine after the scan..

things to do after the exams:

1. start jogging/squash/soccer...
2. wii/guitar hero sessions with friends...
3. winning 11 sessions with the guys..
4.buy a new desktop...
5. go for LASIK...
6. visit Rocher more often...
7. repair ventilation fan for my laptop...
8. paint my room...
9. continue furnishing my room...
10. do up my music website
11. record lots of new songs and videos
12. find gigs to perform in...
13. get a job...
14. find a new drama serial to be addicted to
15. weekly sunday soccer
16. research for music colleges to go to after graduation...
17. find interesting choir songs for pss choir
18. coordinate finale for pjc's anniversary finale
19. full body medical checkup..
20. diagnose whats wrong with my head...

things may not turn out the way i want them to be.... but i'm happy...

i have learnt that dreams will never become reality...
that is a long known fact...

i dreamt of a girl yesterday.
i've known her secondary school.
it wasn't the first time.
and i know it wouldn't be the last...

but when i wake up, sit up and think..
i'm just glad she's happy...
i'm glad she's doing great...

thanks for the two replies that night when i was about to break down from studying e-learning...
your messages calmed me down a lot...

The Swine Flu is dangerous because it spreads in densely populated areas...
places like movie theatres are rather high risk places to go to...

which reminds me...
exam halls are also dangerous
all remaining papers should be cancelled and students should be graded based on whatever they have done throughout the semester.

help fight swine...

the world is ending.

everyones talking about it.
but here's another reason that i have to show that all this is predestined.

in marketing,
generation X = our parents
generation Y = us
genereation Z =our children

and Z is the last alphabet..
there it goes.... :
22/09/2012 - solar storm prediction. lost of lifes lost.
before this date, major diseases will strike (swine flu)
its all coming into place isn't it?

i don't want to die yet :

one day i'll perform,
and everybody around will just stop and listen to me :)

(i should be studying....)

randoms at 3am.

i don't regret not studying for the manchester united game.
superb fightback,
i was celebrating in my room MYSELF when they came back from 2-0 down to lead 3-2...
the curtains, were fortunately, down.
otherwise my neighbours would have probably thought i was nuts.or

studied onli 3 hours today
2 hours yesterday
and ZERO hours on friday (cause i was in my friday-slack mood)..

caught s-factor on youtube
and the girls were seriously.. bimbotic. and bitchy..
they should just call it B-factor or something.
since its about like boobs, bimbos, bitches... :S

as i grow older... i have come to gradually realise that...
girls are the most beautiful when they are nice on the inside.
its not about how u look on the outside..
whatever outside is just an additional bonus.

which reminds me of how i first felt when i saw this girl in arts camp...
and how i'm beginning to talk to her quite often now.
so much so that i'm sacrificing my sleep. sth i've never been doin before.
she gives off this ...
niceness on the inside.
but yet i cant describe how it exactly is like coz i havent exactly talked to her in person.
HAHA.
lame la john.

3 days to my first paper.
i'm already counting down to the last one.

the past weeks have been spent telling myself to let go of past memories...
the perfect girl stood before me once.
and she's in the arms of another...

but thats not exactly my loss...
its her gain..
cause i don't ever remember being a good partner to anyone....

channel your energy to do something else john.
i'm trying to study.
and all of a sudden.. i can't wait to get my university degree, and pursue my musical journey..

the words i heard at victoria concert hall just keeps ringing in my ear...
and i would be lying if i said i wasn't disappointed...

i don't remember ever wanting something so badly,

the wait for results was ten times worse than waitin for the results of all the competitions i've joined in my life.
but whatever it is...

i'm proud to let everybody know that i'm pioneer's choir conductor...

and two years down the road,
we will get an award...

to my choir:
remember this... one for all, all for one... you guys are a platinum choir to me, and i would never exchange any of you guys, for any gold choir out there...

thank you for making my tuesday, wednesday and friday afternoons so enjoyable...

i can't say this enough, but be proud of yourself.

because i'm extremely proud of every single one of you...

has anyone tried pineapple juice with malibu rum?
i just did, and i'm so hooked onto it that i just drove down to buy pineapple juice from the kiosk...

supposed to be studying.
but the sipping of malibu rum occasionally while doing up my marketing notes has proven too much for me to take...
and now i'm just slacking as usual...

i told myself i would travel down to school n study like every night.
and up till now, i haven't even done it once.

AH WELL.
time to rest.. at least i did 3 chapters of marketing huhh...
(consoles myself)

-------

which reminds me...
went back to pjc yesterday to choreograph something for them....
and i realised i actually have a lot of ideas for stage choreography and music and dance, etc.
maybe i shld go pursue some major in stage...

meanwhile..
my choir's competing in SYF in 2 days.
i hope conducting's going to be fine for me,
and i hope they manage to do everything they did during practice.
i want them to get something. a bronze at least....
they deserve it, for the amount of work they put in,
and for the hugee improvement they have made since i taught them...

i'm not lookin forward to the holidays.
bcoz

1. i'm not goin for holidays
2. i'm not goin for internship
3. my summer school applicatoin was rejected
4. i may end up studying modules durin the holiday
5. it just sounds sucky

and i'm totally not lookin forward to anything.

all my frens are attached.
and my family's so small there's nothing much i can look forward to.

this sucks.

a picture speaks a thousand words..

no wonder people often say how important it is to have a nice crop of hair huh!

clearly illustrated by lazerus over here who obviosly looked happier, and better with his coat of fur on him...

as promised...

the picture of my re-furnished room :)

or like how some of my friends would like to laugh and ask me to call it.. my bachelor's pad.

it isnt that bad being alone if i have a room as cozy as this... or at least, i think it isn't that bad :)

special thanks to my parents who helped with the shopping of the furniture and a little bit of the drilling and cleaning here n there...

the wk's been going on fine..
after initially thinking it was going to be hell, i managed well...

presentations are over, so thats a huge relief..
projects are also more or less done...

i'm planning to paint my rm within the next two months, which theoretically is a good step forward into whatever predicament i've been finding myself in for the past few years.

tried chilling at cafe iguana and liquid kitchen with qing for the past wk or so...
i love the margaritas at iguana... and if i'm not wrong they go at 50% during happy hours which is like after midnight... so anyone lookin for a nice place to just chill, go there! not forgetin they serve FREE corn chips with salsa! :)

caught a movie today...
but i seem to be in a really rotten mood...
a part of me feels lost...

-------
which reminds me...
its not supposed to be like that..
it isn't...
so snap out of it... :S

happy good friday's friends...

difference btwn a local and an overseas student

i'm sitting in lectures now and there is this big group of visitors from africa who are here on exchange...

something struck me watching them participate in lessons...

overseas students are PROACTIVE. they respond to questions and constantly participate and give comments on lessons..

local students are REACTIVE. we keep quiet and keep comments to ourselves. if we talk too much people may hate us... etc.etc...

maybe tts why singapore's education system is flawed.
our culture is flawed.
i remember attending lessons in patana internatinoal sch last time
and lessons were all so fun and the school was so vibrant...

oh well...:S
and i sat with urm... ya... in lectures today. HAHA...
okay. wadeva john..

sundays will be fantastic if it was all like that...
relaxing, chilling with friends, wii-ing...
even projs seem fun...

the toughest weekend of all...

i should be able to deal with it, shldn't i?

den again...

keeping myself occupied works... :|

spent the last few days feeling sick and stayin at home to refurnish/revamp my room
i love the way my rm looks now...
there's now my own personal entertainment area with a sofabed and a place to play my ps3 and wii in...! and a properly wired surround system for dvds!
and my entire desktop and music rm now is wireless, neat, and fit for studying....

photos up soon! :)